I’m getting closer to being able to name and understand this pattern after friction or rupture in relationships with people heavily invested in their rightness and entitlement, and equally invested in my wrongness and unworthiness. When the conversation—tilts into litigation
How to Alienate Others and Die Completely Alone A Working Draft Introduction I used to believe relationships failed because of misunderstanding. This is my attempt to document how I learned they fail faster when you insist on a shared understanding.
I am a survivor studying the wreckage, noticing a pattern.When a person is being harmed, a mountain of tidy evidence is demanded—transcripts, videotapes, witnesses, perfectly composed testimony—and even then, it is rarely sufficient. Meanwhile, the person with the well-fitting mask
An Ordinary Moment, a Trauma Response My lived experience offered no assurance that I—or anything—would be okay. At a subconscious level, I suspected I might have less trouble if I could just get better at saying no and ouch, because
Over the years, my children’s father, my mother, and my sister communicated and met without me. This alliance was formed in the shadows. There was no pre‑existing relationship between my mother or sister and the man I divorced. These gatherings
Loving the Hologram: A Season of Letting Go This season—honestly, my entire life—has been one of loss and unraveling. And I feel self‑conscious about that, because in a world low on emotional intelligence, it’s easy for people to see a