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A Work in Progress — Healing from All the Things​

Who Are We Beyond Survival Mode?

Split illustration of trauma integration. On the left, a distressed girl sits among a heap of clutter beneath “The Accumulation of the Unresolved.” On the right, she sits peacefully before organized bins labeled Patterns, People, Dynamics, Impacts, Triggers, Beliefs, Coping, Messages, Roles, Boundaries, and Still Processing. A separate bin reads “Things to Let Go.” Copy alt text

For me, survival mode has felt like living under the weight of an ever-growing, tangled mess.

Every unsettling interaction compounded it. I couldn’t untangle it, and I couldn’t leave it alone.

After decades of debilitating confusion, I’m finally recognizing patterns and finding ways to organize my experiences. The mess hasn’t disappeared, but it’s loosening its grip on me.

I missed so much of my life trying to figure out what had just happened and worrying about what might happen next. I’m beginning to see how life could be more.

Picture of Magda Gee

Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am newly learning faith, hope, and courage, practices not witnessed by me, in my childhood, with my family. Sadly, No Contact, as a last resort, is how I keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part– to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.