Yearly Archives: 2026

Read more about the article The Protected Position
When the aggressor occupies the protected position, the injury is not limited to the original harm. The protection becomes part of the injury.
Trauma, Recovery & Nervous System Patterns

The Protected Position

Something began when I was four years old, and it was reinforced, repeated, normalized, and sustained over the course of decades. The injury wasn't only the abuse itself. It was also the fact that the person who harmed me was favored, protected, believed, accommodated, and repeatedly restored to a position of legitimacy while I was not. Something bad happened, and the person who did it continued to occupy a protected position while my reality (moments of distress) was judged, minimized,…

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August 4, 2026
Read more about the article The Story Is in the Pattern
A single healthy tree stands amid a dying forest, reminding us that isolated moments can be beautiful, but patterns reveal what is real.
Trauma, Recovery & Nervous System Patterns

The Story Is in the Pattern

Sheesh. How many more times will I have to navigate this particular circuit before I have learned everything I can from it? It almost feels as though I have been given a false map. There are things people say that, if I allow them to guide me, will take me completely off course because they don't align with reality, their actions, or my lived experience. I am starting to recognize that the real story lives inside the patterns. Words do…

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August 2, 2026
Read more about the article When Relationships Stop Evolving
Some relationships don't fall apart because of conflict. They slowly lose intimacy because conflict is never acknowledged, leaving no opportunity for repair. I've been thinking about how perfection, image management, and emotional avoidance can quietly replace accountability, making genuine connection increasingly difficult.
Trauma, Recovery & Nervous System Patterns

When Relationships Stop Evolving

I've spent a lot of time thinking about the c-word...."conflict " and also--avoidance and repair. The archetype, to whom I have gravitated to like a moth to a flame, seems to have little room for either. Being non-pleased feels unacceptable. Causing displeasure feels unacceptable. Being imperfect feels unacceptable. So concerns don't get raised directly. They leak out sideways through passive aggression, distance, stonewalling, or the preTENSE that everything is fine. The script for that: All good. Everything is fine. No…

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July 28, 2026
Read more about the article If a Fly on the Wall Had Been There
Some moments are confusing. Some conversations are messy. But repeated patterns have a way of revealing the emotional climate of a relationship. This realization changed the way I understand connection, accountability, and self-trust.
Family Scapegoating & Golden Child Dynamics

If a Fly on the Wall Had Been There

Memory Memory can be unreliable. Interpretation certainly is. Two people can experience the same interaction and leave with very different narratives about what happened. What feels more meaningful to me now is paying attention to patterns that could have been observed by someone with no emotional investment. A quiet witness. A fly on the wall. Not someone deciding who was right. Just someone noticing what happened. Here are some of the things I believe that fly on the wall would…

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July 27, 2026