Seems as if stonewalling and gaslighting are techniques intended to erase a person, to obliterate their spirit.
Stonewalling is a tactic used by bullies to control a situation; to isolate, humiliate, and frustrate a target for attempting to address and resolve conflicts. Accusing the target of a mental deficiency, harassment, or even bullying are other methods of asserting dominance; intimidating the target and discouraging punishing objections to unkindness. Stonewalling is actively refusing communication, stalling, or evading, to avoid revealing information and to escape accountability.
Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic used to gain power by making someone doubt their own perception, memory, and sanity. Typically imposed by a person in a position of authority or trust, it may look like this:
deception and misrepresentation of information
denying actions and words
using sacred information or people against you
inconsistent words and actions
triangulation
smear campaign
claiming to be a victim and feeling justifiably harmful
insisting that the injured/ persecuted person is overreacting or overly sensitive
Whew. This is a difficult week. So grateful it is a short one. I needed to contact my sister’s husband, the Trustee of my mother’s estate, to request coverage for bills from specialists for one of my sons. I also inquired basic information regarding the trust. No response, a very delayed one, or an unfavorable one seem likely. Historically, this is how my direct requests or assertions are handled.
I also communicated to my sons’ father some painful details and a plea for some parental participation from him. I texted on Saturday and have heard nothing. No response. At all. It seems they had hoped to erase me and to have the freedom to make decisions about my children and my mother’s estate –with me feeling too uncertain and unworthy, to assert myself.
There is no monster menacing enough to prevent me from advocating for my children. That unrelenting purpose helped me to forfeit my shitty marriage and family of origin. I work hard and daily to put God’s will first, and it seems there is an expectation that I must revere and yield to ONLY them. Why would I though? I can think of no wholesome reason. Not one.
My sister and ex (and his sisters, also) each assume icky gifter and punisher roles, to establish their authority (or dominance???). I will not engage that way– hustling for kindness, approval, or non-abuse. Possibility of gifts and conditional acceptance, mixed with indirect threats of banishment are nasty– AF. I am utterly unmotivated by that.
I did allow my ex to effectively erase me from my own life and then watched in horror as he joined forces with my sister to continue the efforts. Fortunately, I now rely only on my spiritual program, Sweet Greg, and Favorite to guide and support me — They never need me bossed, punished, or erased. Goodness does not do, want, or even tolerate those things. By the way, there is no such thing as a silent ally. When we don’t stand up to abuse, we perpetuate and enable it. Oh yeh—PS– #blacklivesmatter and #fuckracismandoppression of any marginalized person.
I am feeling super pleasant and relaxed today. Ha! Hopefully, I will shake this off and get luvvy for dessert and then dinner with my SG, tonight.
