Stonewalling and gaslighting feel like techniques intended to erase a person. To obliterate their spirit.
Stonewalling is a tactic used to control, isolate, humiliate, and frustrate someone for attempting to address conflict. It asserts dominance by refusing communication, stalling, or evading. Sometimes the target is accused of being mentally deficient, harassing, or abusive—simply for asking questions or seeking resolution. The message is clear: your voice is unwelcome. Your reality is inconvenient.
Gaslighting is manipulation intended to make someone doubt their perception, memory, and sanity. It often comes from someone in a position of trust or authority. It looks like:
- deception and misrepresentation
- denying words and actions
- using sacred information or people against you
- inconsistent words and behavior
- triangulation
- smear campaigns
- claiming victimhood to justify harm
- insisting the injured person is overreacting or too sensitive
Whew. This is a difficult week.
I needed to contact my sister’s husband, the trustee of my mother’s estate, to request coverage for specialists for one of my sons, and to ask basic questions about the trust. No response—or a delayed or hostile one—seems most likely. Historically, this is how my direct requests are handled.
I also reached out to my sons’ father with painful truths and a plea for parental participation. I texted Saturday. Nothing. No response at all. Silence, as strategy. Silence, as erasure.
It seems they hoped I would remain uncertain and unworthy. Too small to assert myself. Too erased to interfere.
There is no monster menacing enough to prevent me from advocating for my children. That clarity cost me my marriage and my family of origin. I work daily to align with something higher than fear. Yet there remains an expectation that I must yield to them. I will not. There is no wholesome reason to.
My sister and my ex both operate through gifts and punishments, approval and withdrawal, to establish dominance. I will not participate in that economy—hustling for scraps of kindness or conditional acceptance. Gifts mixed with threats of banishment are not generosity. They are control. And I am unmoved.
I once allowed myself to be erased. I watched in horror as those closest to me continued the effort. Not anymore. Today, I rely on my spiritual program, Sweet Greg, and Favorite. They do not require my diminishment. Goodness never asks to erase you.
There is no such thing as a silent ally. Silence protects the aggressor. When we fail to stand against abuse, we enable it.
I am feeling super pleasant and relaxed today. Ha. Hopefully I will shake this off, get luvvy for dessert, and have dinner with my SG tonight.
