Like a lightning bolt, it struck me again—how extremists cannot tolerate peaceful protest or resistance. To them, nonconformity is hostility. Resistance is war. “You are either with me or against me. I will take you down if you get in my way.” EW.
In my family and marriage, resistance was not tolerated. Objection to the status quo was treated as provocation. Over time, I became increasingly hostile and reactive, living in a state of brittle agitation, knowing that expressing my needs, experiences, or preferences would be treated as battle invitations or dismissed entirely. War or silent erasure. That was the system. Sickening. Literally.
Peaceful resistance unsettles entitled controllers because it exposes their limitations. They cannot openly deploy their usual tactics—threats, retaliation, force—without revealing themselves. So they escalate. They redefine your boundary as aggression to justify “any means necessary.” Collaboration is not possible because equality is not acceptable. They will not be influenced by anything outside their own design. I am not qualified to diagnose, but everything I read points to narcissism.
I find myself mentally replaying moments where I said no, requested alternatives, or honored my own limits. The blowback was immediate and absolute. Shut up or else. Get in line or get small.
Only a badass holds and respects clear boundaries. A coward—often also a bully—smiles and agrees while quietly calculating ways to undermine or retaliate. Direct dialogue is not possible with someone who experiences your autonomy as threat.
I am genuinely moved watching people unite in peaceful protest all over the world. Courageous people willing to risk comfort to honor truth. Recovery taught me courage and willingness. These qualities have cost me relationships with people who required reverence in exchange for peace. So be it. My reverence cannot be forced, extracted, or negotiated.
My brother-in-law, trustee of my mother’s estate, has not responded to my inquiry from two weeks ago. My options feel familiar: stay silent and let my child go without, or ask again and risk dismissal or attack. I will ask again. Obviously. Updates to follow.
The parallels between my family of origin, my marriage, and larger systems are undeniable. I find this strangely comforting. These systems are not broken. They are functioning exactly as designed.
