My parenting game is NOT on point these days. Quick to jump in the ring with my son…I am not so unlike that defeated, blood and sweat covered boxer just swingin’ and hopin’ to connect. Neither dignity nor peace have been won in this way. Shit shit shit—healthy engagement has not been modeled for me and it is unnatural and hard AF. (more…)
FOOD & TRUTH–Two things I was starved and desperate for, much of my life. Naturally, I developed food and trust issues which manifested in some pretty destructive ways. Living in a perpetual state of fear, uncertainty, and hunger will drive some very desperate thinking. Being frightened and hungry also made it difficult to fully get adequate rest. Like Winnie the Pooh says “going to bed with a full head and an empty stomach” is rough. So then, throw sleep deprivation in the mix within a home, pulsing with unspeakable rage and shame—what a mess. My inability to manage was viewed as the problem rather than the symptom– typical in these arrangements. I was the canary, scapegoat, black sheep. (I will add here, that truth can be subjective. However, TRUST is what I offer my boys truth and trust- stability.) My experience, coming up in the world doubting myself and all others, especially those I counted on. That was a difficult row to hoe. The way we live and love, in our home, is rooted in immense trust in each other and faith in goodness. This way of living, loving, and parenting is one of the many miracles of recovery. (more…)
In just over a week, I embark on a new career opportunity, which I feel reluctant to share about. My boss, and dear friend of 24 years, says that she is happy for me– but the approaching transition has caused growing tension between us. Also, I do (more…)
To remain committed to my spiritual striving is my only Goal. The singular challenge greater than the massive unlearning– is accepting the fact that my wellness and wholeness permanently divide me from those whom rely on me to be broken, confused, ashamed–with desires to contract/conform and to please greater thinly need to expand. 
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