Recovery from Life
I struggle to relate to anyone asserting they have nothing to recover from. ? Every cell of my being tells me to beware of people claiming that. Usually because they are unwilling to own their dis-ease and therefore likely to offload rather than heal it– and quick to judge and banish those honestly addressing struggle and pain. ⚠️I adore recovery and all people humble enough to do the work. Spiritual recovery—we all lose parts of our spirits and have been injured by someone or something, in ways that we may not understand. Recovery from low self-esteem, low self-worth, people-pleasing, depression, grief, ptsd, abuse, fear of scarcity, unhealthy coping skills, obsessions, sexual abuse, incest leading to addictions to drugs, sex, alcohol, shopping, exercising, eating, staying busy, being right or perfect—all of those “things” are responses to pain. “Healthy striving is said to be diametrically opposing attempts at and need for perfection, which is driven by fear, control, shame, and results in separation. Those are all spiritual maladies for which their are spiritual solutions.” When our focus is on how others perceive us, that is not mental or spiritual wellness, that is brokenness -which tells us look to others to see if we are ok. Trying to guess how others will feel and respond to us can make us overwhelmed, anxious, and very controlling. We are powerless over that. And so long as we think and behave otherwise, we will have difficulty being our true selves and allowing others the same—the birthplace of eggshells. The First Step in any of the fellowships teaches us that we are powerless over people, places and things. And to live otherwise is unmanageability- in the form of tryyyyying to hard all of the time to be feel and make others feel what they do not. It is true insanity. Though many people dedicate a lifetime managing, controlling, and regulating others to avoid dealing with the truth of what they feel, what they have done, and what they do. Below is an excerpt from one of my readers that feels especially relevant. In program, 
seeking serenity has become my primary purpose, and my greatest miracle. Knowing I need help and making myself available for guidance and change was the beginning of my recovery life. Living in this way, being guided by a higher non-human power is the freedom, connection, and guidance I always needed but did not know. So, for me it is a re-parenting of myself. No longer controlled by my will or the will of another allows me to seek truth and serenity, to head directly into difficulty knowing that I am not alone and that I have tools and choices to help me navigate rather than avoid what must be dealt with. (more…)
That was before my loveless marriage and divorce….when my main objective was to just pretend I could give or be what was wanted and needed and be funny while doing so. I thought that making myself usable might morph into being valuable or useful. It did not. 
could justify being abusive. Even if I am, does that make it ok to destroy my co-parenting relationship and to alienate my children? I do not think so. Now that I do not scream, swear, or threaten in response to being bullied, they are left only with their own behavior to contemplate…if they were capable or willing. I stopped offering the gift of distraction with my outrageous reactions, years ago. I learned to say No. Period. It was the beginning of the end. 
temptation to react to degrading comments is immense. The boys’ dad just came with his sister to pick up our children, and I asked if the schedule for our Tuesday dinner visit had been changed. When he answered yes. I said “No problem, in the future, can you let me know when you make plans for them on my scheduled time?”. Verfuckenbatim! PS-this is the second request of this nature in the last 2 weeks. I will continue asking nicely. I won’t fight about it and I will not pretend for a moment, that it is acceptable.
And his sister sneered and said in front of our boys “on and on she goes” …going on about what, requesting pertinent information and respect for our legal agreement, and serenity for myself and my boys? Yes, L, I do…and I will continue to request it no matter how you object. So grateful for enough recovery to have only, quietly uttered. while closing the door–“Your behavior is impressive” Mostly because I know she beleives she is impressive for reasons of which I remain unaware. Kindness and benevolence are the most impressive things. by this measure, I have not been impressed in the way in which may be desire. The perpetual triangulation is impressive, just not in appositive way.