Good Grief
I cannot help but feel charmed when I hear people in utter exasperation calmly say “Good Grief”. It is so completely wholesome(benevolent) and old school.
While grief, may not be good, it is essential, and a natural part of life. We all deserve to grieve and heal from heartbreak. My sons’ deserve a healed and whole mother. As an adult with choices, recovery of my spirit takes priority over my seat at “the family table”. My first choice is to recover with my family of origin. The alternative is to recover on my own. It has been collectively declared that “There is nothing to heal from, just move on, Already, goddammit”. My sister’s locking onto my ex-husband(any excuse at all to fawn and connect(gag)) has troubled us as co-parents, as well as divided me from our confused and aging mother. I have nearly quit judging that behavior, but still, I REFUSE to dine with abusers of my sons’ parents. The idea of sharing a meal is sickening. Our next genetic gathering will be for a death. While the passing of any family member will be unfortunate, the death itself, will not erase or stop the damage. I will pray for the grace to show up only as a mourner for the passing of whomever it is. The service will not pose as a union or a re-union. Just a memorial for the deceased; a ceremony dedicated to those who need to grieve the passing of a loved one. I respect and honor the need to grieve. For me, it will be a day of exercising courage, humility, and compassion–100% wholesome and badass.
Just before relocating to this coast, I was graced with one uniquely precious relationship which offered my rebirth into MY world. This man, whom we shall call Pete, was the first person,ever, in my life to authentically invite and encourage my full expansion and to embrace the things that make me, me. Encouraging me-to ask for what I like and say no to what I don’t: food, touching, topics, outings, whatever. 