Boundaries are for Badasses
Recovery invites me to have, recognize, and honor boundaries — my spiritual skin. I am naturally permeable, and without boundaries everything gets in and consumes me, leaving me full of other people’s information and needs, with no mental space left for God or even myself, only a need to invade someone else. My spiritual skin keeps me as me and you as you, protecting us all from the confusion of entanglement. My affiliations with my ex‑husband and my family of origin were entanglements formed before I developed boundaries — and as a consequence, they died natural deaths in response to that spiritual development.
My boundaries are dictated by my needs, limits, responsibilities, and desires. Desire I may elect to flex; I will forfeit my preference for the sake of compromise with others who are also inclined. My needs, limits, and responsibilities will be attended to. If I don’t see to them, who will. Our boundaries are our operating systems, and when two people’s operating systems are in conflict, that is evidence of incompatibility.
I feel blessed to have found someone whose operating system is compatible with my own, even complimentary.
It’s not the most wonderful time of the year for everyone. For those of who’ve lost family members to death or estrangement, the holidays are difficult. To cope, some drop from bridges into oncoming traffic while others soldier through with as many drinks or slices of pie as it takes, any number of ways to numb, more socially acceptable than honestly addressing the feelings and behaviors which would be a step toward healing and lasting connection. I stand in solidarity with all who feel weepy, anxious, maybe even ashamed at this time of year. Disconnection, on days in which the calendar and social media are intended as proof of connection, is difficult. I ♥
A lovely couple, from two doors down, welcomed us to the community with a platter of warm, loving cookies-and have remained consistently kind-hearted, available, and interested. To me, this is both humbling and remarkable. People often present as “friendly” for the sake of the optical but are often simultaneously disinterested and unkind.
Today’s post is for those who are suffering; doubting their worthiness. Nothing like special occasions to revive the myth that we, the unlovable, must hustle for our worth- that there are pre-requisites for unconditional belonging and nurturing love. There are those among us who understand and embrace our responsibility to share our experience and courage to Change the Things We Can.