The patterns I still carry, the ways old experiences can show up in the present, and my effort to sort out what I am remembering from what is actually happening now. Recovery, pattern recognition, regulation, and slowly gathering new evidence.
Today is moving day and my best friend of 40 years helped me pack but is physically unable to be here now. And Sweet Greg who also joined and calmed me from my urge to enter into packing hysteria, is away on a scouting trip...So physically, I am alone for the move. And yet, emotionally, I feel un-alone. The people who show up are always the right people-- consistently, without hesitation for the small things that add up to life-…
To ask a person to selectively numb feelings or deny experiences is an unreasonable request. And yet, it is the demand of nearly 50 years---as if time changes anything other than our age. The past 2.5 years of living on the same coast with my FOO has been beyond re-traumatizing. And at some levels, I would like to forget it all but will not and cannot. Because of miraculous and brilliant moments with my sons, best friend, and Sweet Greg,…
So, when I visited NC 9 years ago for therapy session with mother and sister which went poorly and in which I miscarried, I, for obvious reasons, felt unable to rally for Trick or Treat neighborhood parade with my sister and her family. I required time and space to rest and grieve the tragedy of that session, my family, and the loss of a pregnancy–while nursing and caring for my baby. (more…)
Rather than entering into a difficult conversation, some people will try to silence you when they feel threatened by having to look at something that shakes their sense of power or pride. I am not sure what this tactic is called but it is very familiar and it is this from which I walked away. "Oh, you are saying things I don't want said, well I will come after you personally with a machete to make sure you don't do…
