The patterns I still carry, the ways old experiences can show up in the present, and my effort to sort out what I am remembering from what is actually happening now. Recovery, pattern recognition, regulation, and slowly gathering new evidence.
I cannot help but marvel as I observe so many people unable to give a clear and direct #NO I think the #fear #shame #guilt #aversion speak to the need to APPEAR ? easy going. Keepin it chill-- but #noresponse OR 4000 #excuses for why "probably(or even definitively)" you cannot or will not do a thing, is #bullshit needless complexity. I am good with No. And a solid "Nope" with an extra pop at the end really says it all. (Nō“P” ) Those who cannot…
High profile people(athletes) taking a knee with hand over heart for the pledge and speaking truth to bullshit in peace and with love is breathtaking courage and faith. The message of "I love my country and all of its people. I believe in equality for all and that means taking a stand(knee) for those without a voice." That is the wholesome badassery that I live and strive for. Of course this is uncomfortable for those who insist that loyalty is…
Recovery has given me back to myself. Trying to grow up among people grimly determined to erase me or have me be small and to show only certain parts of myself-- on demand, was the ultimate identity theft. As I learn better, I do better. I am surely and infinitely sorry and amending damage I have done. But I am not sorry for my existence and will not flex or deny my boundaries for those whose desire is to righteously…
Some people won't love you, no matter what you do. Some people won't STOP loving you, no matter what you do. Go where the love is. Unlearning, reparenting myself, redefining love. Love is kind, present, benevolent, unconditional. We are all human and fail at times and will blow it. When that happens, if we come from a place of love, as recovery has helped me to redefine, we make amends, commit to restoring trust. That is how we do it…
