When Repair Is Impossible, So Is Security

I heard it said today—and I’ve also read it—that secure attachment can only exist where people can be counted on to go back and do the work of repair when they’ve contributed to rupture

That landed with me. Because I know I’ve created a space for secure attachment by being willing to repair. But it can’t exist with people who call themselves “conflict avoidant” when what they really avoid is repair. It doesn’t matter how much I want to own my part and make things right—secure attachment isn’t possible with someone who won’t engage in repair.

I think about this with my children. Their father has never repaired with them. Never acknowledged his own wrongness or falling short. Because in his world, strong people don’t make mistakes, don’t fall, don’t struggle, and they’re certainly never sorry.

---

This space is a sanctuary, a place where we cannot be silenced or erased.  If my experiences or sentiments resonate with you and you feel like sharing or connecting, please feel free to reach out.  No pressure, always, I’m down to listen. Message me anytime 🤍🤍🤍 wholesomebadass@gmail.com