The patterns I still carry, the ways old experiences can show up in the present, and my effort to sort out what I am remembering from what is actually happening now. Recovery, pattern recognition, regulation, and slowly gathering new evidence.
This post is taken directly from how.i.rebuilt.myself. The "me too " which I feel when I read her posts is priceless-helping survivors heal, one post at a time. Fake chivalry of the covert man. He’s the neighbourhood favourite - will jump start your car, run an errand for your sick wife while you’re on a business trip and hold doors open for old ladies. He’ll leap to his feet if a woman is moving a chair or a multipack of soft drinks at a…
What an interesting concept. "DESERVE". I cannot help but cringe each time I hear this word thrown about. Maybe as a person who grew up feeling confused about being both entitled and unworthy, I remain disturbed by this language. Now, after nearly a decade of spiritual recovery and soul work--this is what I think I know: All people deserve kindness, love, truth, connection. Today's sermon focused on grace, gratitude, and service. I noticed myself physically reacting each time I heard…
Last week my older son was initiated by a new neighbor boy, whom we do not know—even a little. This neighbor decided to “come out” via text message, to my son, who is age 11. When my son was kind and texted “Ok, but be careful who you tell because people might be mean to you or beat you up for that. I understand people are born this way and it is ok”, the neighbor, whom I will call Frederick,…
Daily, I feel tormented by the notion that if I were JUST less sensitive and more forgiving we could be a happy healthy family. But this, THIS is the lie-the myth of the scapegoat and the messaging of abusers. Intense sensitivity is something, that as an adult, I have learned to understand, accept, and to accommodate without shame. My mental wellness requires that I offer space to anyfuckenbody who judges sensitivity and uses it as an excuse to be unkind–shaming. I do regret that I had nobody to teach me this sooner. Self acceptance, preservation, kindness to myself and to others—these things, they were first introduced to me as a 40 something woman, in recovery. And I forgive myself for not knowing what I didn’t know, before I knew it and I forgive myself for not accepting poor treatment as the price of membership for a club to which I clearly do not belong. And I forgive myself for not being able to forgive before I am able. (more…)
