The patterns I still carry, the ways old experiences can show up in the present, and my effort to sort out what I am remembering from what is actually happening now. Recovery, pattern recognition, regulation, and slowly gathering new evidence.
I once did pretty much all of the same shit I now will not tolerate. In recovery, I am unlearning and growing, not pretending as if I have not been guilty of some very unfortunate attitudes and behaviors. I began my journey into recovery in my early 40s. Before that, I could be pretty assholey. When we know better, we do better. If a person is bringing up things you did long ago to discredit you, chances are, that they…
Emotionally stunted people fail to learn to accept, process, or even tolerate a full range of emotion, leaving them emotionally primitive—limited only to recognizing pleasure and displeasure. “Me like” (waves club(friendliness, laughter, praise, flattery, gifts)). “Me no like” (pounds club(exclusion/shunning, withholding of information or communication, casually expressing diminishing things, gossiping and smearing, undermining). Important to acknowledge is the stone cold silence between the realizing of the displeasure and the standard generic REaction. And even though club pounding is undeniably displeasure,…
Because Sweet Greg did not flinch, pout, or punish me for declaring myself absolutely physically and emotionally unavailable for the weekend, I feel beyond humbled and blessed. There was no hint of guilt, shame, or fear intended to manipulate me into being, feeling, or offering what I simply could not. What a gem of a huMAN---Strong, kind, humble, generous and trustworthy in ALL that he does. My Sweet Greg. It is nothing short of a miracle to experience connection so pure.…
I never tire of this reading and continue hoping that it may become a more common practice-- reaching for The Third Way-- in times of conflict . Doing so requires courage, humility, transparency -- willingness to say and listen to difficult things and then to reflect on wounded parts of our spirits which beg to be healed and allowed to mature. To choose this way may be impossible for people who need to believe themselves right, in charge, infallible. With…