Somewhere along the way, a practice took hold: metabolizing what other people believed, said, or did as information about me rather than data about them.

Today, that data gets classified more appropriately. It may hurt deeply and alter what a relationship means. But it will no longer serve to indict me.

In its crudest form: their hurtful behavior was somehow treated as a reasonable response to the fact of my existence.

That premise no longer holds.

Recognizing this has brought with it the gifts of self-esteem and dignity. There is something clarifying in reflecting on how consistently I attempted to engage difficult moments in good faith, even when the same was not afforded to me.

Repeatedly presenting opportunities for course correction and repair—for people to respond responsibly, nobly, and peacefully—was also part of that good-faith engagement.

Whether they did or did not is information about them.

Were you ever asked to interpret someone else’s damaging behavior as information about you?