Yearly Archives: 2026

Read more about the article When Family Betrayal Pulls Young Children Into the Middle
The axe forgets, but the tree remembers.
Family Scapegoating & Golden Child Dynamics

When Family Betrayal Pulls Young Children Into the Middle

At a very tense Mother’s Day gathering in 2016, I learned that my niece’s graduation was less than four weeks away and on the same night as a concert I had already committed to. The tickets had been a Valentine’s Day gift and the plans had been in place for months. It wasn’t that I chose a concert over her graduation. I simply already had plans by the time I was given the date. With no other way to get…

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August 22, 2026
Read more about the article When Your Family and Your Ex Form an Alliance That Includes Your Children
Whatever Else May Be True
Family Scapegoating & Golden Child Dynamics

When Your Family and Your Ex Form an Alliance That Includes Your Children

I recorded this the morning of my mother's funeral.  I had been given less than 24 hours notice of the service.https://youtu.be/yVniGYTjauo Before knowing my mother passed, the boys told me their dad had taken time off work to shop for something to wear to a funeral. They understood that a woman from his work had died and that he planned to take them with him. I didn’t think much of it. Why would I? Then, the day before the funeral,…

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August 21, 2026
Read more about the article The Power of Controlling the Narrative
Just because everybody believes it doesn't mean it's true. And even if nobody believes it, it can still be true.
Family Scapegoating & Golden Child Dynamics

The Power of Controlling the Narrative

Something does not become untrue because somebody more influential tells the story differently. I have spent a lot of my life ateempting to reconcile the version of events that prevailed with my lived experience. Influence seems to determine which version is adopted and repeated. A person with more influence can shape or manipulate how events are understood. Their version becomes the more widely accepted narrative. And those under that person's influence tend to organize around it, as THE truth. It…

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August 17, 2026
Read more about the article Why Can’t We Ever Resolve Anything?
How safe is a connection that can only exist in the absence of friction?
Family Scapegoating & Golden Child Dynamics

Why Can’t We Ever Resolve Anything?

I've been thinking about my ability to participate safely in relationships which are non-essential and technically intended as sources of safe, healthy connection. Some discord is guaranteed. But sustained and avoided discord is too much for my nervous system. I am thinking most recently of a neighbor. From our first exchange, there was something in her energy and the way she communicated that seemed to always be broadcasting some version of a world in which she was right, she knew…

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August 16, 2026