Observing a year of pain, growth, and resilience — the subtle ways people show up when we are most vulnerable.
I’ve been reflecting on how, in my family—and unironically, in the family of the man I had children with—belonging was not rooted in mutual care, nuance, or individuality. It was rooted in alignment with the people who had decided, and been supported in believing, that they mattered more. Agreement equaled safety. Divergence tracked as threat. There was no space for statements like, “I see it differently,” or “I’m hurt,” or “I need something else,” or even the simple, honest, “This…
Letting Go Each day, I live with the ache that I may not see my children again. We may not have another real conversation or moment of closeness. That may be the outcome when children grow in a system that teaches them to diminish me, and when they have no outside support to question that story. I can see how neatly the story lands if I’m “too much,” or if I “opted out.” But I didn’t opt out of love.…
My sons learned, by design, to have zero tolerance for their mother. Ordinary acts of parenting—direction, correction, consequences, even simple questions—were rejected and reframed as manipulation or control. I once read a message from their father telling them, “Disregard your mother.” And they did. Their dismissal was not only permitted but modeled, reinforced, and quietly supported by people who positioned themselves as adversaries. During months of medical crisis—unmanaged pain, heavy medication, complications, emotional collapse—I was met with silence. I lost forty pounds.…