Love is kind-right?
Not until my older son was diagnosed at 18 months with sensory integration disorder(SPD), did I learn why I had been uncomfortable, tense, overly-stressed my entire life, particularly for family occasions where food smells and volume alone, felt cruel. The word overwhelming does not begin to describe those experiences. I came to believe I was the “pain in the ass” I was reported to be, unworthy of comfort and connection. I learned to hate who I was-at a cellular level, my existence was all wrong. I was angry and as my family likes to remind me, very difficult. Who wouldn’t have been difficult in the circumstances? Totally owning that!!!
Not knowing how to seek shelter from sensory stimulus had a devastating impact; In my family, those unwilling unable to mask signs of stress and discomfort are not be tolerated or indulged. I believe much of the wreckage of my life has its origins here, leading my fruitless pursuit for connection with emotionally remote others. (more…)
First mellllllllow Thanksgiving ever: Greg and I grimaced over the 7 menu items actually requiring work, imagining the stress of those with a vision for exactly how the grand feast must be presented and received. Probably, easier done without consideration for children and individual preferences. We were relaxed about our “plan”, and still– managing timing the dishes to be throughly cooked and hot -at all at once, felt challenging. S1 announced that he was “starving” before the meal was fully prepared. So, he ate his meal in courses, while S2 and Greg’s son played outside-before the official Feast time.
Today’s post is for those who are suffering; doubting their worthiness. Nothing like special occasions to revive the myth that we, the unlovable, must hustle for our worth- that there are pre-requisites for unconditional belonging and nurturing love. There are those among us who understand and embrace our responsibility to share our experience and courage to Change the Things We Can.
Hello Friends, Last month, my Darling stumped me with “So…what do you want for your birthday?”.