say the unsayable Archives - Wholesome Badass

Abuse is Abuse

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:May 20, 2018
Post category:Acceptance addiction dirty secrets Faith Self-Love Surviving Narcissistic Abuse Trauma Triangulation & Smear Campaigns

Sound familiar? So, this is my modified version of the Narcissists Prayer. I have re-evaluated my need to label others as addicts or narcissists. In my attempt to recover, I found myself needing to know “but whyyyyy???” And the singular answer of “because I suck” is no longer acceptable to me. My upbringing taught me over decades of collective attitudes and actions, that any harsh treatment of me was either →imagined →fabricated, or →well earned. And that is 100% deranged and untrue. AND–It stands to reason that if I am willing to believe I can earn abuse or cause someone else to mistreat me, you know what else I believe…that another person may earn abuse or cause me to mistreat them.

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Am I an Asshole-I Don’t Think So(anymore)

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:January 12, 2018
Post category:Acceptance dirty secrets Faith Intimacy Self-Love Surviving Narcissistic Abuse Trauma Triangulation & Smear Campaigns

I hesitate to share when things are going well because if I recap more than a single minute, I easily get spun up in the axle –the entire history of it all, IT: being the “dynamic” of my (FOO)family of origin. I was, for a stretch, enjoying the perks of total estrangement from my FOO and all affiliated, with the exception of my ex and our children, when my mother’s sister emailed Wednesday with an invite for breakfast this weekend. Both anxiety and grief were my immediate gut reactions. It is too a complex a relationship for each of us, full disclosure and authenticity are not well tolerated and our connection is not blessed by the others, which creates hardship for her. I believe she and I are similar in unmentionable ways (sensitive and vocal about being sensitive which troublesome to those who are not(the rest of them)) and it is just too elephant in the roomish and eggshelly for me. I am no good at that and forcing it feels more difficult than wise. (more…)

It is Not About You

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:December 18, 2017
Post category:Acceptance addiction dirty secrets Faith Intimacy Mindful Parenting Self-Love Surviving Narcissistic Abuse Trauma Triangulation & Smear Campaigns

My sister would frequently snap: “Not everything is about you” when I expressed anything difficult or needing. And it made me confused in a sad and shameful way. Like it never addressed anything but the collective need for me to shut up and be different. Under the guidance of my older sister, parents, and extended family I failed to learn about me, myself, in relation to whom I am, only in relation to how pleasing or displeasing they found me to be, mostly the latter. For example, my birthday gifts and foods weren’t about me, weren’t on my list of things I liked or wanted. I was informed that those were expressions of whom they were and what they wanted to share with me and that I should be grateful…yet their raging and diminishing behaviors were purely about me AND I should remain unaffected. I still do not really get it. I have stopped trying–as that made me want to not live. (more…)

It is NOT NORMAL

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:August 16, 2017
Post category:Acceptance Faith Intimacy Self-Love Surviving Narcissistic Abuse Trauma

Destroying children and families is not normal, I would argue. Triangulating with an ex husband and building a relationship on shared contempt for your “sister” is not fucken normal. No matter what. And this is just one of the observable acts. They used to have me convinced A) This is how things are handled by those in charge. and B) I deserve to be treated poorly and should shut up. I could not. I screamed. Raged. Drank. Binged. Purged. You name it. I lost my mind trying to get right with some shit that is 100% not right. And I took that thinking and way of being into the world. My refusal to tolerate or engage as they do unleashed the full undeniable wrath. For too long it was denied. As the only evidence of any problem was my inability to cope with things to which I did not consent and could not reject. I was a disaster. Terrified. Angry. Distraught. My recovery has illuminated our irreconcilable differences. Deep sigh. I am intentional in communicating to my sons that there is nothing normal about what is happening and that it is not ok or their (my sons’) fault or responsibility. While they must please their father to survive, they are welcome to express their true feelings to me. He has no regard for their discomfort and the feelings they have sitting at a table with people who openly behave in ways that hurt their mother and do not speak of it or her. WTF? Fuck eggshells and big elephants in the room. We share our truths here. We talk about those elephants and that eggshells are the things that people are too afraid to speak of. And together, we have nothing to fear…maybe that is why they wanted to divide us from each other. The legacy of abuse stops here. I will not quietly stand by while they are thrown into insane shark tank to eat or be eaten to sink or to swim.
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