Higher Power

In my family culture, when someone or something displeases you or interferes with your agenda, it is treated with the gravity of a criminal offense and the source is dealt with and diminished at any and all costs.  Our family home was tense, reactive, hostile.  There was screaming, hitting, name-calling, threatening–all standard responses to aggravation and disappointment.  I assumed or was maybe assigned the role of the one– who was sorry for having/expressing uncomfortable feelings as well as for causing them for others.  I thought if I was sorry enough, I could make it better.   I was the sorry one.  We all agreed to this.  Once I no longer agreed to that, there was no longer a place for me.  They will have to find a new asshole, a new person to take that seat, read from that script.  My incessant requests for a third way are dismissed and have been reported to me as having been collectively assessed as “unworthy of response”.  Oh Ok, then. (more…)