recovery Archives - Page 62 of 62

Thanksgiving Thoughts for Those Contemplating No Contact

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:November 24, 2016
Post category:Acceptance Faith Intimacy Self-Love Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

Today’s post is for those who are suffering; doubting their worthiness. Nothing like special occasions to revive the myth that we, the unlovable, must hustle for our worth- that there are pre-requisites for unconditional belonging and nurturing love. There are those among us who understand and embrace our responsibility to share our experience and courage to Change the Things We Can.

Holidays, birthdays, and my wedding too, were times of dread, anxiety, and despair, and of course shame for not being a more happy and light-hearted and good person. “What is her problem?” “Why does she have to ruin everything? Why must she be impossible?” “Why cant she just smile for the picture?” Un-ironically(Is that even a word?), I knowingly entered into a marriage equally nurturing, mirroring that dynamic, which for the first 32 years of my life, made me long for death. Call me dramatic, whatever. This is my story.

Looking back, I see that I was ill for most occasions. Vomiting has always been my natural and given response to stress and an immense source of relief for me. My body knows the truth–keeps the score. (more…)

Finding My Voice-and my lil pink axe

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:November 13, 2016
Post category:Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

While striving to honor the authentic voice of who I am, I have realized a profound lack of vision for my life…no goals, other than to just hurt less…to feel and cause less pain. In my family of origin and marriage, my pain was categorized for me in one of three ways:

pain I caused
pain I deserved
pain I imagined

For each of which, comfort was unavailable. (more…)

WBA-Terminology

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:August 21, 2016
Post category:Faith Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

What these words mean to me:

Wholesome-spiritually /principle driven. (In my life, my principles are static-unchanged by my mood or reaction. Mine are those of a 12 Step Fellowship.) When I am in alignment with my program principles, I am wholesome.

BadAss– Grit, courage and resolve. Strength of character. When I walk head on, through what I think I cannot manage– with only my courage and faith, I feel BadAss. When I resist the invitation to jump into the ring, I am a BadAss. When I say, Sorry that won’t work out, without defense, I am BadAss. When I revere my Good Orderly Direction more than my concern with another persons’s reaction, I AM A BADASS.

Accepting an uncomfortable truth, an unpleasant fact. Accepting that there is nothing to be done about it and Just doing the next right thing. Courage and Faith are the only reasons I have not reacted more to the behaviors and words of my family.

Courage– Facing pain and fear with faith in Good Orderly Direction. (more…)