I was alllwaaaays melting down-losing my shit. I had not learned healthy coping skills. For my first 40 years, secondary feelings about my feelings kicked my ass. In our home feelings were for losers, and for judging. —I felt shitty because life was painful and experiencing pain, duress, and discontent was treated harshly-
generally shamed, punished, gossiped about, and banished. I was sad about feeling sad and scared I might get scared and tense about getting tense and fully ashamed of it all. Being name-called and demanded to lighten up OR snap out of it never seemed to do the trick. Now, I allow myself to have feelings without worrying about having them, and the difficult ones are shorter in duration.
Recovery helps me to unlearn the myths of shame and unworthiness and fear of feelings, and the price for having them–disconnection (from those whom I was never authentically connected, anyway). Now I am mostly only afraid of being placed in proximity to those who righteously attempt to punish, judge, and challenge my emotional experiences. When given the choice, I only #gowherethelove is. Life feels more manageable and even enjoyable this way. Byeeeeee!
