Triangulation-How It Works
Triangulation can occur in any relationship, but it is very common in a relationship with a narcissist. It may happen at home, at work, with friends, or within in family…
Then You Win
To me, winning means I get to discover and choose to be my best me. I get to strive spiritually every day, to live in ways that are right for…
The Difference Is….
I think the most wholesome thing I do for my children is teaching and allowing them to experience and process their feelings, and to acknowledge that while feelings are not…
How Upsetting for Children
Thank God for Restraint…….as I surely had none before program. While I will no longer jump in the ring, the 
temptation to react to degrading comments is immense. The boys’ dad just came with his sister to pick up our children, and I asked if the schedule for our Tuesday dinner visit had been changed. When he answered yes. I said “No problem, in the future, can you let me know when you make plans for them on my scheduled time?”. Verfuckenbatim! PS-this is the second request of this nature in the last 2 weeks. I will continue asking nicely. I won’t fight about it and I will not pretend for a moment, that it is acceptable.
And his sister sneered and said in front of our boys “on and on she goes” …going on about what, requesting pertinent information and respect for our legal agreement, and serenity for myself and my boys? Yes, L, I do…and I will continue to request it no matter how you object. So grateful for enough recovery to have only, quietly uttered. while closing the door–“Your behavior is impressive” Mostly because I know she beleives she is impressive for reasons of which I remain unaware. Kindness and benevolence are the most impressive things. by this measure, I have not been impressed in the way in which may be desire. The perpetual triangulation is impressive, just not in appositive way. Unrecovered me was tempted to say: “Please shut up” “And consider the gift of an unexpressed thought, particularly when unwholesome…ummmmkkkkaaaaay? Loving Aunts people do not impose this conflict on their innocent nephews, where it can be avoided. Check yourself.” (more…)
Children-Make Them Feel Loved
Tension persists as my boys’ father, actively defies our legally binding custodial settlement. Feeling even more above the law, now cozy with my sister(married to a judge). My ex’s continued withholding information regarding changes by him for plans with our boys during my scheduled time, as well as relevant health information is hostile. He seems hungry for a reaction, a lecture, or snarky comment by me. Not happening. I may however, say, in front of our children, 
“Hey, when making plans for the boys during their week with me, please talk to me about it first. ” #kthanksbye. The reason for saying it in front of them is so they may witness that what I say about him is what I will say to him, alignment of my words, actions, and principles!!! This is recovery and progress for which I feel immensely proud. From what I have read, the abuse that follows having a clear and sane boundary is standard reaction by those affected with NPD and untreated addiction issues. In my FOO and marriage, making a clear request or statement of my limits was always the beginning of a cold war. (more…)
What Is that smell? Could it be bullshit?
Transparency is on my mind lately, probably always will be at the fore front after a lifetime of gaslight experiences, always being told that I am not the best narrator of my own emotional and physical experience. Now, the values of clarity, directness, transparency, benevolence are at the top of the list of qualities required for “trusted other” status. These things remain static regardless of mood or desire. Recovery teaches me that catering to erratic moods and desires is not my job, and it is impossible to do with or for people who are not even emotionally honest about their actions and motivations and natural consequences. (more…)
The Fighter
Keith Urban "The Fighter" I actually love this song. Because I feel so deeply and unconditionally loved by sweet Greg, after decades of believing that at a cellular level and…
Independence Day 2017- Freedom from ……..
Waking up kid-free, people free, day off, with only my dogs and an invitation to join trusted others without a requirement to do so is niiiice. The fact is I need lots of people-free time to recover. Not to recover from the people I love(ok, well maybe a little from them) but to recover so that I have something good to give them, not just my 48 years of fatigue. I have been learning about trauma. A reality that is taboo, too obscene and scandalous to speak of, yet honest dialog is essential for healing, no matter how many decades have since passed. Time does not heal shit. Truth does. The knowledge of our experience is stored in our bodies. (more…)