Courage and Vulnerability
"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they ARE NEVER weakness." Brene Brown I acknowledge, daily--that most people just aren't into this. In fact....it…
Holding on without proof.
Silence
Not stoic enough to be silent or aloof, I am practicing saying and doing nothing in response to underhanded invitations to enter into indirect conflict. While I
now set boundaries for only myself, without arguing to be heard, my abstinence from standard entanglement is labelled abandonment—“cutting them off” because that is how silence is used in my family. I just say No. Or Sorry that won’t work until it no longer makes sense to say it again.
So, I have mostly quieted my mouth, but my head still spins with all the things I wish to say or stop feeling and thinking. Silence with a trusted other is golden.
Thanksgiving Thoughts for Those Contemplating No Contact
Today’s post is for those who are suffering; doubting their worthiness. Nothing like special occasions to revive the myth that we, the unlovable, must hustle for our worth- that there are pre-requisites for unconditional belonging and nurturing love. There are those among us who understand and embrace our responsibility to share our experience and courage to Change the Things We Can.
Holidays, birthdays, and my wedding too, were times of dread, anxiety, and despair, and of course shame for not being a more happy and light-hearted and good person. “What is her problem?” “Why does she have to ruin everything? Why must she be impossible?” “Why cant she just smile for the picture?” Un-ironically(Is that even a word?), I knowingly entered into a marriage equally nurturing, mirroring that dynamic, which for the first 32 years of my life, made me long for death. Call me dramatic, whatever. This is my story.
Looking back, I see that I was ill for most occasions. Vomiting has always been my natural and given response to stress and an immense source of relief for me. My body knows the truth–keeps the score. (more…)
WBA-Terminology
What these words mean to me:
Wholesome-spiritually /principle driven. (In my life, my principles are static-unchanged by my mood or reaction. Mine are those of a 12 Step Fellowship.) When I am in alignment with my program principles, I am wholesome.
BadAss– Grit, courage and resolve. Strength of character. When I walk head on, through what I think I cannot manage– with only my courage and faith, I feel BadAss. When I resist the invitation to jump into the ring, I am a BadAss. When I say, Sorry that won’t work out, without defense, I am BadAss. When I revere my Good Orderly Direction more than my concern with another persons’s reaction, I AM A BADASS.
Accepting an uncomfortable truth, an unpleasant fact. Accepting that there is nothing to be done about it and Just doing the next right thing. Courage and Faith are the only reasons I have not reacted more to the behaviors and words of my family.
Courage– Facing pain and fear with faith in Good Orderly Direction. (more…)