Abuse

I Choose to Share, Heal, Expand-I Write the Ending

When a person touches us and it feels wrong, IT IS.  100% unacceptable– to be touched in ways that feel yucky, unwanted, unwholesome.  IT happening, is the beginning.  After the moment passes, the wreckage persists- governing all that will follow. My downward spiral continued until…. I realized I could no longer continue suffering, struggling, thinking, fearing as I had for decades.  The Gift Of Desperation— 100% clarity– IT(the residual insanity) shall no longer be denied or allowed to continue.  GOD and faith replaced fear and shame, as my new navigational tools.  Today, I am led by  Good Orderly Direction.

Being unable at the time to identify and articulate confusing encounters with my older sister (and later, others),  resulted in incomprehensible demoralization.  I became “inexplicably” hysterical while she remained artfully buttoned up.  And from there it unfolded.  The impossible girl who can’t cope and the seemingly unruffled older sister, going along as if her only real issue is her troubling sister.   She scored a shit-load of traction off of my hysteria.   In fact, it saved defined elevated her.    The dynamic made me want to disappear- to which I dedicated impressive efforts.  I used geography, alcohol, drugs, men, men on drugs, food-lots of food, no food.

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Continue ReadingI Choose to Share, Heal, Expand-I Write the Ending

No is a complete sentence.

Hi Friends,

This eCard is fantastic.  My discovery of  a calm “no”, for my ex and family of origin is new behavior- and can be counted on either to be ignored or to incite war.  Dismissal and reprisal are reminders that it is best for me to limit proximity to anyone feeling inclined to diminish or dominate in these ways.

From me, a definitive NO without anger, profanity, fear, or volume is progress.   Though apparently, it is confusing for those insistent on always being right  — accustomed to provoking me until I lose it and become  hysterical,  substantiatng my need for unkindness or mental help.  No. Nope.  Ah,Ah. Ok, sorry that won’t work out but let’s work together for a better arrangement.  It is acceptable for people to say No as needed.  Honoring boundaries is for BadAsses.  It is too much for others.

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Continue ReadingNo is a complete sentence.