Painful Dynamics- Repair or Release
My mother is in the hospital today having cancerous masses removed. My sister whom I have not spoken to since May emailed the information to me. I responded with a…
Moving On is Acceptance
Without spiritual recovery, I would still be trying to MAKE people, places and things be different from how they are. Irresponsible, childish, and damaging; attempting to be a God of sorts-very unwholesome,…
Heartfelt Apologies- A Beginning, Not an End to a Conversation
I have observed with my sister, my ex, my mother copious apologizing for circumstances, like a messy home, burnt meat, running late due to traffic, or forgetting to close the door, but NOT for unfair behavior or poor judgment or a plain old error-perhaps innocent, but still damaging. With them, the most acknowledgment I dare hope for is by solicitation and typically an “OK, I am sorry, move on, already.” Oh-OK, since that feels all safe and loving. NOT.
Over the weekend, a woman whom I do not know well asked if I would watch her son from 11:30 to 3:30 on Sunday. I was happy to help another single mom. At 12:00 when there was no sign or word from them she texted to notify me of her plan change 12:30-4:00. I said nothing but felt the icky/rapey feeling of someone showing disregard for my time and for me.
Instead of Focusing on Rejection
Instead of focusing on the most recent rejection by my mother, I will take one small action to creatively claim my living space. This image appeared in a facebook feed for laceandwhishkey. If you click the image, it will take you there. Right now, our home feels to me, a place where we sleep and keep our stuff. I hope to get busy decorating in a way expressive of who I am; what I find attractive, appealing, and comforting. I am only now discovering those parts of myself as I climb out of feeling emotionally/creatively stifled to the point of paralysis.
This one simple accent will transform the energy of my home. Succulents in little black pots. Neutral color. Low maintenance. Simple shapes- appealing, soothing, and doable for someone like myself. Will I do it? Or is this just another example of hoarding good ideas without executing? Perhaps soon I will stage and photograph of the results of my efforts to create comfort and beauty in our house home. (more…)