fear

I read, re-read, and listen to all words written or spoken by Anne Lamott.  Nearly two years ago, when I first moved here, I read about a project she did with a friend,  Project Miracle.   I believe it was from Bird by Bird.   For Project Miracle, you commit with a Trusted and Willing Other, each day, before anything else, to email a list of things for which you feel grateful, even the shitty things.  That turned about to be as challenging as it was fun, the shitty things for which to be grateful.  The deal is- you  each exchange lists but….no feedback allowed.  This project may be the only ritualized part of my life to which I have fully committed, since our  dislocation relocation.  As I look back over my sent emails, I see how the act of  ritualistically acknowledging and sharing my first thoughts has helped me to practice acceptance for unpleasant facts. The no feedback or responses policy allows me to express things like:  I am grateful that my mother is not more unkind to me than she is.   Because I don’t want a cheerleader suggestion to see it differently.  That is my space for acknowledging painful truth, on my way to acceptance.   Anyway, below are some items from recent emails:   (more…)