Fools Rush In
Because my mother is physically and mentally unwell, 84, and in the hospital, I am feeling twisted up inside, as if I should DO something. There is nothing for me to do at this time. My efforts to heal and build trust or connection are either swatted away like a pesky gnat or they go unacknowledged. I guess swats and dismissals are an improvement from being blasted with heavy artillery of character assasination and accusations of how I deserve abuse or am unworthy of kindness. This is progress. (more…)
When a person touches us and it feels wrong, IT IS. 100% unacceptable– to be touched in ways that feel yucky, unwanted, unwholesome. IT happening, is the beginning. After the moment passes, the wreckage persists- governing all that will follow. My downward spiral continued until…. I realized I could no longer continue suffering, struggling, thinking, fearing as I had for decades. The 
incomprehensible demoralization. I became “inexplicably” hysterical while she remained artfully buttoned up. And from there it unfolded. The impossible girl who can’t cope and the seemingly unruffled older sister, going along as if her only real issue is her troubling sister. She scored a shit-load of traction off of my hysteria. In fact, it