humility Archives - Page 8 of 23

Courage to Change

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:May 13, 2018
Post category:Acceptance addiction dirty secrets Faith Mindful Parenting Self-Love Trauma Triangulation & Smear Campaigns

The Classic Fauxpology—CAUTION RED FLAG–Turn and walk away.

I get that my mother did the best she could…and STILL–what happened to me is not right or acceptable. I know we differ in many ways, she and I, one of the more pronounced ways, is that if and when I am struggling to understand and be present for either of my children, I count on friends, whom I call family, to stand in that gap, not to align with me against my sons. My mother’s need to be right outweighed her need for connection with and protection of me. She invited others to align with her, to shame or frighten me into something other…and I sure did become something other than what I was born to be in this world. Ashamed. Angry. Disconnected. Broken AF. (more…)

The Legacy of Rage

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:February 21, 2018
Post category:Acceptance addiction dirty secrets Faith Intimacy Mindful Parenting Self-Love Surviving Narcissistic Abuse Trauma

I contemplated deleting my last post because of all of the evidence of my anger–having difficult feelings is proof of defectiveness in my FOO, and cause for dismissal or debate. In my family of origin, I was the feeler, the over feeler, the overly sensitive one. Unable to mask or deny pain, anger, joy, confusion. I was not shown or taught to effectively manage my emotions in healthy ways. In recovery, I have learned that we cannot selectively numb feelings. Efforts to numb pain also block other feelings like joy and peace. So, I have all of these intense emotions, all of the feels, and I am trying to learn how to feel them AND not be
controlled by them. I am not ashamed of experiencing anger. Though my sometimes reactive behaviors do not elevate my self esteem. What does elevate it, is the practice of reflecting on it and being willing to own and amend what I can. My diminishing words & behavior are a reaction–a

reflection of what is going on inside me in that moment, usually fear can be found at the root. Deep sigh. (more…)

We Can Do Hard Things

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:January 19, 2018
Post category:Acceptance Faith Intimacy Self-Love Surviving Narcissistic Abuse Trauma

In just over a week, I embark on a new career opportunity, which I feel reluctant to share about. My boss, and dear friend of 24 years, says that she is happy for me– but the approaching transition has caused growing tension between us. Also, I do (more…)

Am I an Asshole-I Don’t Think So(anymore)

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:January 12, 2018
Post category:Acceptance dirty secrets Faith Intimacy Self-Love Surviving Narcissistic Abuse Trauma Triangulation & Smear Campaigns

I hesitate to share when things are going well because if I recap more than a single minute, I easily get spun up in the axle –the entire history of it all, IT: being the “dynamic” of my (FOO)family of origin. I was, for a stretch, enjoying the perks of total estrangement from my FOO and all affiliated, with the exception of my ex and our children, when my mother’s sister emailed Wednesday with an invite for breakfast this weekend. Both anxiety and grief were my immediate gut reactions. It is too a complex a relationship for each of us, full disclosure and authenticity are not well tolerated and our connection is not blessed by the others, which creates hardship for her. I believe she and I are similar in unmentionable ways (sensitive and vocal about being sensitive which troublesome to those who are not(the rest of them)) and it is just too elephant in the roomish and eggshelly for me. I am no good at that and forcing it feels more difficult than wise. (more…)