self love Archives - Page 7 of 25

Courage to Change

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:May 13, 2018
Post category:Acceptance addiction dirty secrets Faith Mindful Parenting Self-Love Trauma Triangulation & Smear Campaigns

The Classic Fauxpology—CAUTION RED FLAG–Turn and walk away.

I get that my mother did the best she could…and STILL–what happened to me is not right or acceptable. I know we differ in many ways, she and I, one of the more pronounced ways, is that if and when I am struggling to understand and be present for either of my children, I count on friends, whom I call family, to stand in that gap, not to align with me against my sons. My mother’s need to be right outweighed her need for connection with and protection of me. She invited others to align with her, to shame or frighten me into something other…and I sure did become something other than what I was born to be in this world. Ashamed. Angry. Disconnected. Broken AF. (more…)

Thank You for Teaching Me

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:March 12, 2018
Post category:Acceptance addiction dirty secrets Faith Intimacy Self-Love Surviving Narcissistic Abuse Trauma

And so I rise from godless, shame-filled decades of anger and despair as I learn and recover from the traumatic effects of the covert abuse dynamics. I am developing faith…

The Legacy of Rage

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:February 21, 2018
Post category:Acceptance addiction dirty secrets Faith Intimacy Mindful Parenting Self-Love Surviving Narcissistic Abuse Trauma

I contemplated deleting my last post because of all of the evidence of my anger–having difficult feelings is proof of defectiveness in my FOO, and cause for dismissal or debate. In my family of origin, I was the feeler, the over feeler, the overly sensitive one. Unable to mask or deny pain, anger, joy, confusion. I was not shown or taught to effectively manage my emotions in healthy ways. In recovery, I have learned that we cannot selectively numb feelings. Efforts to numb pain also block other feelings like joy and peace. So, I have all of these intense emotions, all of the feels, and I am trying to learn how to feel them AND not be
controlled by them. I am not ashamed of experiencing anger. Though my sometimes reactive behaviors do not elevate my self esteem. What does elevate it, is the practice of reflecting on it and being willing to own and amend what I can. My diminishing words & behavior are a reaction–a

reflection of what is going on inside me in that moment, usually fear can be found at the root. Deep sigh. (more…)

Parenting and Power Struggles

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:February 15, 2018
Post category:Acceptance addiction Faith Intimacy Mindful Parenting Self-Love Surviving Narcissistic Abuse Trauma

My parenting game is NOT on point these days. Quick to jump in the ring with my son…I am not so unlike that defeated, blood and sweat covered boxer just swingin’ and hopin’ to connect. Neither dignity nor peace have been won in this way. Shit shit shit—healthy engagement has not been modeled for me and it is unnatural and hard AF. (more…)