How Upsetting for Children

Thank God for Restraint…….as I surely had none before program.  While I will no longer jump in the ring, the temptation to react to degrading comments is immense.  The boys’ dad just came with his sister to pick up our children, and I asked if the schedule for our Tuesday dinner visit had been changed.  When he answered yes.  I said “No problem, in the future, can you let me know when you make plans for them on my scheduled time?”.  Verfuckenbatim! PS-this is the second request of this nature in the last 2 weeks.  I will continue asking nicely.  I won’t fight about it and I will not pretend for a moment, that it is acceptable.

And his sister sneered and said in front of our boys “on and on she goes”  …going on about what, requesting pertinent information and respect for our legal agreement, and serenity for myself and my boys?  Yes, L, I do…and I will continue to request it no matter how you object.  So grateful for enough recovery to have only, quietly uttered. while closing the door–“Your behavior  is impressive”  Mostly because I know she beleives she is impressive for reasons of which I remain unaware.   Kindness and benevolence are the most impressive things.  by this measure, I have not been impressed in the way in which may be desire.  The perpetual triangulation is impressive, just not in appositive way. Unrecovered me was tempted to say:  “Please shut up”  “And consider the gift of an unexpressed thought, particularly when unwholesome…ummmmkkkkaaaaay? Loving Aunts people do not impose this conflict on their innocent nephews, where it can be avoided.  Check yourself.”

Imagine sending your children to spend time with people who openly are degrading to their serenity and their mother.  She and my sister are well matched in their barely contained rage over me having a voice and a say in my life.

So grateful to have chosen divorce from abuse and insanity. Untreated mental illness, untreated addiction, entitlement, narcissistic personality disorder…whatever it is– is too  much for me.

A boundary is offensive only to people feeling entitled to overstep it.  #kthanksbye  I swear it feels as if he wants to me to take him to court.  Sadly, I won’t count on the courts here, since my sister’s attachment to him while married to a judge deeply connected to the attorneys of our city, might imply a favorable outcome for him.  Plus, the court is the ring–and I am not jumping in.  Unless I am willing to fight, I cannot collect owed money or fidelity to the legal agreement.  This is an unpleasant fact, not a problem.  Something I must accept or fight or write about.  For today, writing will do.

Today, my younger son, said “I will not forgive her for breaking you and dad”  I wanted, for reasons unclear to me, to say, “your dad sucks too”.  He is choosing to fight to win.  But I did not say this.  I just said, “yes it is unforgivable.”

Broken girl code, broken sister code, her idea of family code-vastly different from my own.  Blood makes us related.  Loyalty could have made us family.  I have my sister (who invited my ex’s sister to hate on me via their  covert dinner and a hateful email one year ago.)   to thank for  the gas they collectively throw on the fire of our strained co-parenting.  Have some respect for children.  How about loving them in ways that make them feel whole and safe, not just ways that make you feel all good and gifty and trippy, and hostessy?  Shallow and lame.  What I want to say:  “Please go eff yourself.  You are not nice.  No matter what charities or functions or affiliations you claim for yourself. You are setting a horrifying example for your own children, not just mine.”  Grrr