I cannot change my past, but I can allow myself to be changed by it. In recovery, self-reflection and growth, for me, have each become motivators and sources of attraction and genuine and sustainble connection with others who are willing to examine and address blind spots, mine, theirs….. I have reached a place where I feel unable to relate to those unwilling seek out, evaluate, acknowledge a blind spot, and adjust themselves. Only able to know, believe, think, and do as they want and feel. Righteously closed to any conversation which might suggest anything other. Like, they are literally their own gods, no faith in anything but their wills and desires. And the only rules which matter are the ones which they make or choose in the moment.
The historical ways (entanglements with those who can do no wrong) devastate me and the new ways (wholesome connection to those((Poor Sweet Greg)) with open minds and commitment to connection, healing, growing together in relationship) are so utterly unnatural and exhausting.
What do you do when you love a person who promises to never change? And who would easily let you go, if the choice was to work toward change or say good bye. I have been here before. How will I do this differently? I surrender only to god and never again to another human who claims to love me and who prioritizes their rights to dominion and victory over connection and healing.
Blind Spots, Red Flags, whatever you want to call them, we all have them. Beware of anyone claiming their biggest issues or weaknesses are their perfectionism or loyalty. Because while in theory, that sounds lovely, it does not at all mean what it is intended to suggest.Much Love,
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