Understanding Unforgiveness- Repair or Release?
Forgiving those who knowingly continue to diminish the sanctity of my family can sometimes feel impossible. Reading and listening to every writer, healer, spiritual guide--seeking the help I need to…
An Invitation to Heal-Repair or Release
I am slowly mining gems of peace from the work of reconciling and healing, I must do on my own. According to Reverend Desmond Tutu; healing and reconciliation do not erase the reality of injuries that occur AND forgiveness is not pretending that what has indeed happened did not happen. “Healing does not draw a veil over the hurt.” For a lifetime I have longed for honest reckoning– which consistently has been denied/attacked by those whom I relate to by virtue of birth….And no matter the diminishing words and behaviors, I remain willing to reconcile–with them.”
An invitation to forgive is an invitation to find healing and peace, not to forget or pretend.” My invitation stands- and is as offensive to them today as it was 25 years ago and 2 years ago and 1 year ago. I will pray for the willingness to remain open to the possibilities of healing in my mother’s lifetime with people who show no promise of being able to sustain a presence beyond celebrations and emergencies. Shutting down would be much easier.
Good Grief
I cannot help but feel charmed when I hear people in utter exasperation calmly say “Good Grief”. It is so completely wholesome(benevolent) and old school.
While grief, may not be good, it is essential, and a natural part of life. We all deserve to grieve and heal from heartbreak. My sons’ deserve a healed and whole mother. As an adult with choices, recovery of my spirit takes priority over my seat at “the family table”. My first choice is to recover with my family of origin. The alternative is to recover on my own. It has been collectively declared that “There is nothing to heal from, just move on, Already, goddammit”. My sister’s locking onto my ex-husband(any excuse at all to fawn and connect(gag)) has troubled us as co-parents, as well as divided me from our confused and aging mother. I have nearly quit judging that behavior, but still, I REFUSE to dine with abusers of my sons’ parents. The idea of sharing a meal is sickening. Our next genetic gathering will be for a death. While the passing of any family member will be unfortunate, the death itself, will not erase or stop the damage. I will pray for the grace to show up only as a mourner for the passing of whomever it is. The service will not pose as a union or a re-union. Just a memorial for the deceased; a ceremony dedicated to those who need to grieve the passing of a loved one. I respect and honor the need to grieve. For me, it will be a day of exercising courage, humility, and compassion–100% wholesome and badass.
Courage and Compassion-but first self esteem!
Just before relocating to this coast, I was graced with one uniquely precious relationship which offered my rebirth into MY world. This man, whom we shall call Pete, was the first person,ever, in my life to authentically invite and encourage my full expansion and to embrace the things that make me, me. Encouraging me-to ask for what I like and say no to what I don’t: food, touching, topics, outings, whatever. (more…)