Recovery from Life
I struggle to relate to anyone asserting they have nothing to recover from. ? Every cell of my being tells me to beware of people claiming that. Usually because they are unwilling to own their dis-ease and therefore likely to offload rather than heal it– and quick to judge and banish those honestly addressing struggle and pain. ⚠️I adore recovery and all people humble enough to do the work. Spiritual recovery—we all lose parts of our spirits and have been injured by someone or something, in ways that we may not understand. Recovery from low self-esteem, low self-worth, people-pleasing, depression, grief, ptsd, abuse, fear of scarcity, unhealthy coping skills, obsessions, sexual abuse, incest leading to addictions to drugs, sex, alcohol, shopping, exercising, eating, staying busy, being right or perfect—all of those “things” are responses to pain. “Healthy striving is said to be diametrically opposing attempts at and need for perfection, which is driven by fear, control, shame, and results in separation. Those are all spiritual maladies for which their are spiritual solutions.” When our focus is on how others perceive us, that is not mental or spiritual wellness, that is brokenness -which tells us look to others to see if we are ok. Trying to guess how others will feel and respond to us can make us overwhelmed, anxious, and very controlling. We are powerless over that. And so long as we think and behave otherwise, we will have difficulty being our true selves and allowing others the same—the birthplace of eggshells. The First Step in any of the fellowships teaches us that we are powerless over people, places and things. And to live otherwise is unmanageability- in the form of tryyyyying to hard all of the time to be feel and make others feel what they do not. It is true insanity. Though many people dedicate a lifetime managing, controlling, and regulating others to avoid dealing with the truth of what they feel, what they have done, and what they do. Below is an excerpt from one of my readers that feels especially relevant. In program, 
seeking serenity has become my primary purpose, and my greatest miracle. Knowing I need help and making myself available for guidance and change was the beginning of my recovery life. Living in this way, being guided by a higher non-human power is the freedom, connection, and guidance I always needed but did not know. So, for me it is a re-parenting of myself. No longer controlled by my will or the will of another allows me to seek truth and serenity, to head directly into difficulty knowing that I am not alone and that I have tools and choices to help me navigate rather than avoid what must be dealt with. (more…)
On Saturday before Braziilian Jiu-Jitsu Class, we stopped for Chick-Fil-A( a huge treat, right?). My older son took one bite and said “I don’t like it”. Will you please make me burgerS with avocado and tomato when we get home from class? And this is how it goes. I always offer my sons foods they like, maybe not their favorites or the thing they are currently in the mood for, but never “offer” the two choices of: NO food OR whatever I provide you, regardless of what feels palatable (and with a
avocados and tomatoes. (Note: I totally get that what tastes delicious on one day may turn my
that door, it is because you are lazy and don’t want to work. I said three times “The way you speak to me is hurtful and makes it difficult to focus on my work” ” I cannot be spoken to in ways that are diminishing and be an efficient worker.” Unwilling to acknowledge my invitation to talk it through, he came at me harder demanding engagement in a way that would force me to fight or defend. I wished him a good weekend and walked out the door. Thank gawd for the last guy who left and modeled for me: Upon hearing “what….you don’t like working??” he responded flatly, “not like this” and out he went. 3 of us in 3 weeks. This is a 4-5 man operation tops. Now two brand new hires and the owner remain. Rather than continuing to try and be heard, I remembered my values.