self love Archives - Page 23 of 25

Eff Socializing and Small Talk-if it is not for you

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:March 4, 2017
Post category:Acceptance Faith Intimacy Self-Love Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

I simply cannot find the words to describe all the ways in which Jiu Jitsu meets our family’s needs at sensory, spiritual, and social levels. There is something so humbling and safe, and empowering in this martial art. If I had my way, classes would be three hours instead of one. My boys feel similarly and we enjoy coming home and Jiu Jitsu-ing each other. The connection, self-esteem, and confidence that happen in our studio/class defy articulation. It is not friendship so much as kinship. And I wouldn’t call it a fellowship, because I believe that requires social-talking, where this requires talking only when necessary to learn a new position or submission skill. (more…)

Fascinating and Affirming Article on Narcissism and Gas-lighting

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:February 28, 2017
Post category:Acceptance Faith Self-Love Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

The language of this article feels so intense and psychotic, because this is intense and psychotic...and it is 100% my experience with my sister. There is no answer or solution other than No…

Feelings are not Facts

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:February 10, 2017
Post category:Acceptance Faith Self-Love Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

The "feelings are not facts" words do not tell me not to feel major grief and anger. Can't get around those. It is the myriad of continuous flying feelings that…

Prayer Works!

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:January 10, 2017
Post category:Acceptance Faith Intimacy Self-Love Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

I continue ending my days by saying thank you for the blessings in my life- for each new day between the most recent indignity from my family and me. It is a bitter-sweet reality to be free of the dynamic. Recovery changed me at a cellular level, allowing me to unlearn things; like believing it acceptable to attack people’s personalities or character when they disturb me. What a menacing way to be in the world. I recall how I would hear a fantastic insult and mentally bookmark it for future use-100% sure that attacking and diminishing were necessary and inevitable responses to disturbance. I would find someone to blame for my discontent, talk shit about, and go after them. I forgive myself that♥ . Now that I know better, I choose to do better and to avoid those behaving in this way. As an adult, I am free to choose space from the raging of others. As a mother, it is my responsibility to model practices of recovery and serenity.

I feel positive about my consistent and repeated efforts to meet for resolution….or intent to go NO Contact with my MCR’s, who are generous with damaging words and behaviors towards me. Not gonna lie, it stings that NO Contact is preferable to resolving. I cannot recall the last time I called someone a name or tried to diminish them. Ok–I can, but I don’t feel good about it and it was more than 2 years ago and I didn’t rape him for a shared meal. I was wrong in the way in which I said what I said. My attitude was nasty and righteous. It was a work situation in which I lost my temper and I knew better and made amends later. For decades, I honestly did NOT know another way. I had family, friends, boyfriends, and a husband who all do/did this. I cant change that, but I do now avoid it. This is about healing not forgiveness, a concept I am striving to understand more deeply. Forgiving doesn’t mean I am ready to have lunch with a person who I feel abused by. It just means the bitterness doesn’t own me, anymore. Here is a little from Anne Lamott on forgiveness. She is a spiritual gangsta. I savor her every word. (more…)