When Bad Things Happen to Good People
I have been finding healing and comfort in re-reading and listening to When Bad Things Happen to Good People( a book I first borrowed from my mother, after my father's…
Abuse is Abuse
Sound familiar? So, this is my modified version of the Narcissists Prayer. I have re-evaluated my need to label others as addicts or narcissists. In my attempt to recover, I found myself needing to know “but whyyyyy???” And the singular answer of “because I suck” is no longer acceptable to me. My upbringing taught me over decades of collective attitudes and actions, that any harsh treatment of me was either →imagined →fabricated, or →well earned. And that is 100% deranged and untrue. AND–It stands to reason that if I am willing to believe I can earn abuse or cause someone else to mistreat me, you know what else I believe…that another person may earn abuse or cause me to mistreat them.
Get Over It—Umm Okaaay
People with narcissistic personalities and behaviors often confuse holding a healthy boundary for holding a grudge. It is prudent,healthy, and fair to openly communicate an unavailability for more of the same diminishing…
The Legacy of Rage
I contemplated deleting my last post because of all of the evidence of my anger–having difficult feelings is proof of defectiveness in my FOO, and cause for dismissal or debate. In my family of origin, I was the feeler, the over feeler, the overly sensitive one. Unable to mask or deny pain, anger, joy, confusion. I was not shown or taught to effectively manage my emotions in healthy ways. In recovery, I have learned that we cannot selectively numb feelings. Efforts to numb pain also block other feelings like joy and peace. So, I have all of these intense emotions, all of the feels, and I am trying to learn how to feel them AND not be
controlled by them. I am not ashamed of experiencing anger. Though my sometimes reactive behaviors do not elevate my self esteem. What does elevate it, is the practice of reflecting on it and being willing to own and amend what I can. My diminishing words & behavior are a reaction–a
reflection of what is going on inside me in that moment, usually fear can be found at the root. Deep sigh. (more…)