Needy as shit this week, I have been relentless- calling Sweet Greg or peppering him with texts with a word or reference to something hysterically funny, to only the two of us. While it is for amusement, I do this for assurance…subtextually asking,”were you really there? did this really happen? are we connected?” Consistently, he blows my mind with quick and clever responses, both fun and affirming. Our best laughs are almost always those in which are laughing directly AT our selves, not at each other…or laughing at someone else, but only because we relate—in that insider kind of way.
I feast on moments of shared synchronized laughter with Greg which get boiled down from a story to a single word or phrase that will NEVER DIE. Unceasingly, we bring it back and inject it whenever possible. Difficult to know if our inside jokes are the cause or the result of our deep knowing of each other. The laughing is from a place or relating, to each other or a situation. It is the expression of joy- of being inside, together, and knowing together. It is wholesome! It is not that weird, scary laugh AT a another. The constant unspoken message is “I get you, I totally get you.” We are united in the sentiment that nothing is funny if it causes someone pain. Mean humor, I no longer appreciate or tolerate. I have done my share. More unlearning…
Laughter is healing and comforting and sexy. It is totally the shortest distance between two people. I am finding that with my Trusted Others, that together, we are able to cry as hard as we laugh.
I am grateful to have recovered a wholesome sense of humor. For decades I enjoyed and employed humor that was aimed passively or even actively at diminishing others. I am sorry for that. But- I am happy to now have the Courage to Change. Changing and growing is for badasses! Wholesome laughter is for Badasses. The other kind is for bad asses.
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