Bad Economy

Having been raised in an system in which love (access to connection and protection) could be earned, lost, and withheld, I did not fare well. It is my belief that wholesome love can be neither earned nor lost. I think I would desecribe my formative experience as one of emotional poverty. I recently learned the phrase emotional inheritance which drives me even harder to break the cycle (the cycles of believing that some people matter more than others) and to intentionally leave a more healed and healing legacy.

While CPTSD still has me reacting intensely to percieved inescapable threat, and this is the thing which causes me the most shame and damage, I am blessed to have recovery support and wisdom to teach me healthy, loving, sane ways of being in relationship, particularly as it relates to motherhood, community, friendship. I cannot guarantee that my boys will adopt recovery principles but I have guaranteed their exposure.

I have also been obssessing on the notion that it is easier for people to accept the idea that one member of the group is crazy, delusional, oversensitive(designations common to victims of gaslighting and narcissitic abuse), than that another member has in fact behaved in harmful/ abusive ways, particularly if the person being harmful is discreet and also has not targeted them personally.

So, yeh, Hustle culture and gaslighting. Oh, and cycle breaking. These are on my mind, again and still.

Also –yay to 2024 and a new and expansive relationship! I love love love each of my dating encounters. I get to learn so much about myself with each man, no matter how long or how short the crossing of our paths.

Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram- wholesomebadass