I will assume your silence means you need more space at this time.
I look forward to a time where we may each communicate openly and kindly.
I would like to try, when we are all ready.
My willingness to heal and recover any level of trust and connection remains.
I can be patient and without being oblivious to the reality of the ticking clock and the passing days which feel daunting, and change nothing.
I hope you are all well and hope that I will be notified otherwise.
M(and the boys): WE are here.
This is pretty standard content for my emails. The standard response is silence or condemnation. I send these emails to affirm for myself that if my mother passes without further or healed contact and connection with me, it is absolutely not due to a lack of effort or willingness from my end. Acceptance. Acceptance. Acceptance. My sister’s shaming character assassination, uncontested by cc-d family members, in addition to my ex’s family, following her dinner which was kept secret from me, is something I forgive but do not accept as something that is ok or deserved. Neutrality at this point is not an option. Any effort will either de-escalate or intensify the situation. My mother is recovering from health issues at age 84 and I moved cross country 2 years ago to be here-for her. I still want that, free from abuse and shaming.
Acceptance is for badasses and totally wholesome. I re-commit by the minute to the acceptance of the fact that I am powerless to make things be different. These are my most wholesome efforts. It is my belief that what has passed between us demands an honest reckoning. I will wait. ♥
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