Acceptance, Faith, Intimacy, Self-Love, Trauma

A Year of Miracles-or Just One Day

Holy smokes! I just listened to Day 2 of Marianne Williamson (47 times,of course) A Year of Miracles: how miracles happen when we choose expressions of love without the distractions of fear, anxiety, shame, guilt, resentment—and all things not built on love. What the what?  I know it is a little woo woo, but today, I am partially, if not deeply, moved by these sentiments. I recognize in myself the indisputable need for spiritual adjustment. Marianne goes on, to blow my mind with:

“My own self hatred masquerading itself as self love, lures me to blame, defense, and more suffering.   Will I place my focus on something loveless that somebody did to me?”

If I withdraw my attachment to what THEY DO (present tense), I will no longer be affected by their actions. (really????)  Apparently, I have the opportunity to decide to put my faith elsewhere. Marianne provides a much needed definition of forgiveness that resonates with me. The miracle of forgiveness: It has nothing to do with ignoring, pretending or exposing myself for more….only a willingness to restore my focus and faith in the practice of love.

When something loveless is done to me, I must process my feelings but I do not have to indulge them. Yes, I MUST honor them, but not spew them.  (Ouch!)  In this way I become willing and able to to endure the gap in time between the pain of someone having hurt me and the miracle of my release from suffering.  But But But, I say; the shit is never ending.  Of course I still want IT to STOP ALREADY.(possibly embedding of that link is evidence of a lack of complete surrender and willingness.  I am a work in progress—only striving, not arriving)

Forgiveness seems more doable, once the loveless behaviors have ceased. But just for today, I will allow my thoughts to take a new direction and place my attachments where they can serve love and god, not my ego.  I must surrender urges to un-erase myself, be heard, defend, and prove anything at all.

Will I? If I do, it will sure be some wholesome badass shift.  I will call it a goal.  Possibly tomorrow, or even later today, I will post something diametrically opposing my newly and currently enlightened mood.  Deep sigh.

Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram by clicking the pic- Wholesomebadass. https://www.instagram.com/wholesomebadass/

Author: Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am new to the experiences of faith and hope and courage, qualities absent for me in proximity to my family. No Contact has been the way to keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.

2 Comments on “A Year of Miracles-or Just One Day

  1. Congratulations! Growth hurts. Our pediatrician once diagnosed the pain in my son’s knees as “growing pains” because growth isn’t always even-flowing throughout the organism. I (sometimes) take that to mean that pain (may be) is indication of growing in progress.
    Progress, not perfection, we say. Ergo, all is well with your soul. There’s an old hymn called that: “All Is Well With My Soul.” I don’t know it, but that phrase sticks. I figger if old slaves whose lives had been laid ruin could sing, and believe, that, I can, with time and lots of help from HP.

    Bonne Chance, et
    Bisoux-bisoux.

    Jeanette

    1. Oh Sweet Jeanette-
      Yes. I think of the slaves and the holocaust survivors who had faith. I cannot help but marvel. The faithless existence was hell. Relying only on all that I thought I knew or believed, all of which was rooted in insanity and the “family disease” (Shhhhhh). I love unlearning with you. Growth does hurt…like the working out kind of hurt. Staying the same also hurts, but in that falling or getting thrown down the stairs kind of way.

      I love you!
      Magda

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