As I continually have opportunities to PRACTICE detachment, using my recovery tools and skills, it feels only right to share tips (just the tip-hahaha) for safely negotiating narcissitic bullying, when removing myself entirely, is not an option.
So, narcissistic bullying is evidenced by a person, who, when displeased or frustrated, rather than self reflecting and adjusting themselves, opts for retalliation and dominance. They may send their target (scapegoat) a subtle, barely discernible warning shot communicating: “I can and will make trouble for you (in nearly imperceptible fashion)”- or they may just get right to it…depends on who is looking and seeing.
This type of person failed to learn to accept that frustration, failure, and displeasure are part of the human experience and may be learned from and handled with grace & acceptance. And so- they default to blaming, shaming, undermining, campaigning for their rightness and entitlement to be pleased or serve up a consequence of their choosing.
When does (even the most subtle) blaming, shaming, judging, and persecuting- result in a wholesome outcome, though?
I am tired from this. Trying to arm my sons with the ability to recognize and respond safely in this dynamic. It is everywhere. King(and Queen) Babies (google king baby and addiction) never stop angling for dominance and approval at all costs….armed with a wealth of cunning and ruthless tactics to curate what others think and feel. Catherine G Whitney
Today’s tip for responding to narcisstic bullying: While it may feel impossible: Engage minimally, stick only to the facts (like hard undeniable data) with as few words as possible. And ignore attacky words and suggestions of your “issues” baiting you to defend or doubt yourself. By ignore, I mean; do not acknowledge in any way- but – feel free to flip out in your head or later with a trusted other, when possible. Narc bullies thrive on the energy in these conflicts. It is called narcissistic supply. (Google it) Do not give them the thing they crave and expect-your energy, emotion, defense, lengthy justification. This is called Gray Rock-Google it. Pure wizardry. You know how poeple say, “You are givng them all of your power.” This is what they are talking about—We must choose to disengage. It is no easy feat. BUT. Try it! Share it, with anyone you know, struggling in this insane dynamic- tangled up with a person who needs to see themselves as infallible and elevated! Let’s keep dropping keys. Together. One Day at a Time.Much Love,
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