So, the boys’ father is especially manic now that he has found a woman to claim a WE with. Whatever. On my boys’ weekends with their father, I have learned, he packs a fuckin bag and drives 25- 30 minutes to spend the night with this woman of a few weeks, who has no children in her home, leaving our young sons alone for the entire night, with nobody close by, like even a loosely familiar neighbor. Neither of the boys are even yet old enough to drive. And without any notification to me so that I could be on standby.

Before finding the wisdom of recovery: I would have name called him and told him what to do, with volume and profanity. Now with 10 years under my belt, these are text messages I have crafted in my head and NOT sent. See, in my life before recovery, poised people could do harmful shit and my overtly pained and disturbing reaction was all anybody would consider…. Magda’s troublesome reaction(the collective disregard of my pain, exacerbating my unhinged-ness)–like the only probelm was my unsuitable response to abuse. For now, I have said nothing at all, and am waiting for the words which will leave me with the most peace and dignity.

Things that without recovery, I would have said, repeatedly: You impossibly selfish, stupid loser. What is wrong with you? I don’t know who is more disgusting, you as their father or her as a mother, with children of her own. You are fkn sickening and will stop at nothing to get, do, have what you want. Your obssession and attachment to your entitlement are deranged. Get some fkn help. Oh and go fuck yourself. Good luck trying to take her money and shit too. She deserves you.

Things I will communicate, once I have the wording juuuuuusssst right. (Recovery teaches me to say things in ways that do not compromise me and also to have no expectation of changed behavior. For 40 years I believed(because therapy told me so) that if I used the exact right words, and tone, and timing, that I would be heard and things would change or improve. This is, 100% untrue. Narc addict gonna do only as they like and try to flip a sane request made upon them into a war.)

If you and that equally selfish skank On nights when you intend to leave the boys alone overnight, please just drop them off here.  It is in our divorce decree that this is the ruling for when either of us are are unable to care for them on our custodial weeks, I think it is called right of first refusal.”

The best part is— that I already know from too many previous attempts to protect my children…that he will respond as if this is an attack– by coming after me guns blazing, saying any cruel thing he can think to say about me. Then he will spin the story so that he is the victim and try to gain pity and alliance from anyone who might listen. He will probably wish to consult my sister for her alliance and agreement and construct a message intended to cause me anguish. She would enjoy soothing and guiding him. Catherine G Whitney sister Jilan Catherine Ghoneim Whitney Fayetteville

In confronting him, I know he will come down on our boys for expressing their concern to me, and accuse them of “snitching” or betraying “privacy”. I cannot stop his choice to neglect, divide, silence, and manipulate our sons(and me), and I also will not stand by and say nothing.

Much Love,
Magda Gee

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