Risk Taking Mistake Making

Since my ears react adversely to even the highest grade metals, on contact…like immediately, I had altogether stopped wearing earrings, for years– but suddenly I felt the need for earrings.  And, in the manner in which I do all things which I feel compelled to do, I went all in, fast and hard. After all– Fools Rush In.  I ordered several surgical grade titanium studs.  Once all holes were filled and void of itchy, red, inflammation, I wanted more holes for more earrings.  If two look nice, how great will 17 be?  If warm water is good for face washing, then super boiling hot must be even better.  This is genuinely my natural inclination. Extreme.  Flawed and sometimes disastrous.

The two earrings in my left ear look good, but the two in my right—not so much.  The first hole is too high and the second too low, forming an awkward horizontal line, rather than a diagonal sloping line matching the slope of my ear.  Ok then, so one earring in only the first hole of my right ear and two in the left.

UNTIL….Both Favorite and Sweet Greg informed me that two earrings are a lil 80s.  I promptly frittered hours googling local venues and prices for piercing.  After many bad reviews about crooked piercings, I knew I must do it myself (order supplies and wrangle Favorite or SG do it for me).  Both adamantly said NO.  Because they were afraid of doing it wrong.   Not afraid of hurting me and clearly not afraid of disappointing me (choosing to deny me their steady hands, good eyes, and spatial abilities).  I was like “but literally whoooo cares?  If you mess it up, we laugh and remove the earring.”  They cared. Each remained unswayable.

So, after reading reviews and watching videos about single use peircing guns, I ordered myself a set of self piercing supplies. 4 earrings and 4 pierecers for nine dollars.  Schweeeng!  I pierced my own third hole; easily and perfectly all by myself.  I literally never do a thing perfectly. Ever. I am more uncomfortable with not trying than I am of my own mistakes or imperfection.  For me, it would have been a hilarious experience for either of them to pierce me, especially if it went south.  Like I wanted it on video. So fun and funny. But Nope. I was on my own.

My neighbor’s middle school daughter then wanted me to pierce her.  Without hesitation, I did.  I pierced two well placed holes in her left ear.  She literally squealed the greatest squeal when she looked in the mirror at her new piercings (by me).  With still one more piercer in my possession, I decided I should pierce a 4th hole in my left ear.  Afterall, it was already sore from the third, so why not?  Right?

Pro-Tip:  If piercing an ear DO NOT pull and stretch the ear while piercing.  Because when you let go, the piercing will not be where you intended to place it.  I guess similar to how you can’t pull your eye lid while applying eyeliner because the line ends up in the wrong place.

Because the area higher on my ear is narrow, I pulled my ear away from my head for better access.  Deep sigh. And when I released it, the 4th earring was awkwardly perched on the rim of my ear.  As I removed it with mild disappointment, the darkest reddest blood seeped steadily down my ear and neck. Fuck.  I could not wait to report this. If I were less weird about pictures of myself, I would have loved to have captured and shared this as a silly and cautionary tale. I will probably try again.

I do like trying – and making mistakes pains me mostly when it affects someone else negatively.  I wonder if having felt completely out of control over how shameful and BAD I believed myself to be, at a cellular level, is what makes it possible for me to be this way.  It is not that I do not care, it is that I am more inspired by the process than the outcomes. I do enjoy when I get things right, obvi, but I definitely laugh and learn more in times of “fucking things up”. I would literally not leave my bed or house if I felt I needed to appear perfect, right, free from struggle, and in charge of outcomes and opionins of others.

In my recent performance evaluation, my manager kindly shared how much she appreciates my ability to own and correct my mistakes and that while I am quick to share about them, she would like to see me just as quick and comfortable in sharing my successes.

That will be awkward and I will try to do that.

Much Love,
Magda Gee

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