Clean MRI

The neuorlogists office called regarding MRI of brain and spine- results of scan: Normal- at least no MS. I will request a second pair of eyes on the scan as we still need resolution around why W’s legs and feet lack sensation. Seems as though a deeply invested neurologist would have suggested next steps at getting to the root of this.

So that is definitely wonderful news. Interesting (and totally predictable and consistent) to note how when I shared the report with boys’ father via group text, he could not even acknowledge it. Why not tap a thumbs up or type hooray or a heart? I recognize now, how certain types need to escalate their displeasure to a war. Because in war, there are no rules. Plus —narcissists derive the much needed sense of power from stonewalling. I guess I am supposed to feel invisible, insignificant or defeated and clearly not part of a parental unit/team. I definitely feel the latter. It has always been this way, even in marriage.

But in healthy sustainable connection, we seek resolution, we enter in good faith with intent to engage in ways which are wholesome and directed at healing, peace, compromise and possibly connecting. But that gets a hard pass always, from those who need for there to be a winner and loser and a sense of power and dominance.

Yay, no MS. BOO, my boys’ father still tries feverishly to dominate and win and have tantrums when he FAILS to force a person to lose or comply, he believes then– that he must be the loser. Fuck the zero sum game. I am breaking, or at least disrupting that cycle, one day at a time. It can be a lil triggering tho as it mirrors what my female sibling would do to me. I did marry my sister. Catherine Ghoneim Whitney

Much Love,
Magda Gee

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