Sorting through what was mine, what was projection, and what was never real to begin with.
Just before relocating to this coast, I was graced with one uniquely precious relationship which offered my rebirth into MY world. This man, whom we shall call Pete, was the first person,ever, in my life to authentically invite and encourage my full expansion and to embrace the things that make me, me. Encouraging me-to ask for what I like and say no to what I don’t: food, touching, topics, outings, whatever. (more…)
Me to S1, who is losing his shit over irritating behavior of S2: S1, Is it possible you are over re-acting? S2 is being insensitive, AND maybe your reaction could be…
I have observed with my sister, my ex, my mother copious apologizing for circumstances, like a messy home, burnt meat, running late due to traffic, or forgetting to close the door, but NOT for unfair behavior or poor judgment or a plain old error-perhaps innocent, but still damaging. With them, the most acknowledgment I dare hope for is by solicitation and typically an “OK, I am sorry, move on, already.” Oh-OK, since that feels all safe and loving. NOT.
Over the weekend, a woman whom I do not know well asked if I would watch her son from 11:30 to 3:30 on Sunday. I was happy to help another single mom. At 12:00 when there was no sign or word from them she texted to notify me of her plan change 12:30-4:00. I said nothing but felt the icky/rapey feeling of someone showing disregard for my time and for me.
Instead of focusing on the most recent rejection by my mother, I will take one small action to creatively claim my living space. This image appeared in a facebook feed for laceandwhishkey. If you click the image, it will take you there. Right now, our home feels to me, a place where we sleep and keep our stuff. I hope to get busy decorating in a way expressive of who I am; what I find attractive, appealing, and comforting. I am only now discovering those parts of myself as I climb out of feeling emotionally/creatively stifled to the point of paralysis.
This one simple accent will transform the energy of my home. Succulents in little black pots. Neutral color. Low maintenance. Simple shapes- appealing, soothing, and doable for someone like myself. Will I do it? Or is this just another example of hoarding good ideas without executing? Perhaps soon I will stage and photograph of the results of my efforts to create comfort and beauty in our house home. (more…)