They Belong Together
It makes sense that I married a man opposed to any sort of amending or resolving of conflicts and painful moments. Not once, in the span of our short…
It is Not About You
My sister would frequently snap: “Not everything is about you” when I expressed anything difficult or needing. And it made me confused in a sad and shameful way. Like it never addressed anything but the collective need for me to shut up and be different. Under the guidance of my older sister, parents, and extended family I failed to learn about me, myself, in relation to whom I am, only in relation to how pleasing or displeasing they found me to be, mostly the latter. For example, my birthday gifts and foods weren’t about me, weren’t on my list of things I liked or wanted. I was informed that those were expressions of whom they were and what they wanted to share with me and that I should be grateful…yet their raging and diminishing behaviors were purely about me AND I should remain unaffected. I still do not really get it. I have stopped trying–as that made me want to not live. (more…)
BIRTHDAY MIRACLES
In spite of the tension that defines our relationship, my ex and I co-hosted a beautiful day and evening for our older son’s birthday. MIRACLES: Our precious TRUSTED OTHERS were available and PRESENT for this day. In addition to Will’s sweet friends and their families, my best friend of 40 years, who knows everything of me (my FOO, marriage, divorce, and the triangulation of my ex with my sister) showed up to 100% support. I let him know before hand that she was here for US, our family, not Team Magda. Her warm, friendly support is wholesome and badass magic. It is painful to reflect how people in our(his and my own) families behave as if- love is demonstrated by hating your enemies with you or demonstrating and gossiping overt displeasure and coldness for people who fail to submit and revere. But, see, my friends and trusted others have a God and souls and strive to serve and elevate others, rather than themselves. I am crying, overwhelmed by what Mary Ann does for us– nearly 
certain I would struggle mightily to do for another, what she does, with what seems pure grace and ease. I was raised differently and I am reparenting myself and unlearning as fast as I am able, in my program of recovery– learning to be open to wholesome love and to offer it and be grateful for it and to put space between anything that looks or feels like NON-LOVE….unwholesomeness. (more…)
Home is Where You Can Afford to Live–Right?
My sons and I have recently relocated to a family oriented community filled with children and amenities that support connection and ease of access to families and school aged kids…