Thanksgiving Thoughts for Those Contemplating No Contact
Today’s post is for those who are suffering; doubting their worthiness. Nothing like special occasions to revive the myth that we, the unlovable, must hustle for our worth- that there are pre-requisites for unconditional belonging and nurturing love. There are those among us who understand and embrace our responsibility to share our experience and courage to Change the Things We Can.
Holidays, birthdays, and my wedding too, were times of dread, anxiety, and despair, and of course shame for not being a more happy and light-hearted and good person. “What is her problem?” “Why does she have to ruin everything? Why must she be impossible?” “Why cant she just smile for the picture?” Un-ironically(Is that even a word?), I knowingly entered into a marriage equally nurturing, mirroring that dynamic, which for the first 32 years of my life, made me long for death. Call me dramatic, whatever. This is my story.
Looking back, I see that I was ill for most occasions. Vomiting has always been my natural and given response to stress and an immense source of relief for me. My body knows the truth–keeps the score. (more…)
In my life I can’t help but marvel at the grim, if not blind determination to force people places and things to BE different from how 
they are. This behavior is typically paired with barely contained rage or smugness, dependent on the outcome.