Surviving Narcissistic Abuse Archives - Page 95 of 109

Happy People are Kind

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:January 17, 2017
Post category:Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

At the terms “happy” and “friendly“, I cannot help but wince…no joke. Parading as perpetually happy and friendly is a tool for perception management. The awkward Pollyanna posturing as easy going, free from difficult feelings, and unfortunate choices is just silly. Happy is not a status.

Me—I am happy when I am not required to pretend to be friendly. Hahaha

I am neither social nor friendly-that is my wiring. And I honor that– declining social engagements with even my favorite people, because I find social events to be too much for me. I do enjoy helping people in need, when it is safe and when I am able, but it does not mean I wish to hang out after helping. This perplexes some. That is Okay. Friendly and kind are totally different. (more…)

On Khloe Kardashian’s Revenge Body

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:January 16, 2017
Post category:Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

While on the treadmill at the Ymca, I locked onto E!’s Khloe Kardashian- Revenge Body. Seems like, with consistent safety, love, connection and support, people tend to achieve more. This is a huuuuuge differentiator– Those who DO and those who DO NOT grow up developing connection to god, family, community, and known innate talent or favorable attributes. Those blessed with any of these are the natural Badasses of the world, knowing and striving for their full potential–achieving greatness by their own internal measure–expanding natural talents and interests and seizing opportunities to give to and to serve–and not feeling the call to diminish others to elevate themselves. And there are those of us, who just want to be Ok, one day at a time as we discover our talents/interests and what it means to truly be of service, to get clear on who or what it is we intend to serve. It was not possible for me to recognize how to strive in these ways while obsessed with efforts to avoid given threats of despair. Despair was the only thing I had faith in, before recovery. Before faith, I had no models of, or experience with patience, acceptance, discipline, self-esteem, dignity, serenity.

(more…)

Boundaries are for Badasses

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:January 12, 2017
Post category:Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

Recovery invites me to have, recognize, and honor boundaries — my spiritual skin. I am naturally permeable, and without boundaries everything gets in and consumes me, leaving me full of other people’s information and needs, with no mental space left for God or even myself, only a need to invade someone else. My spiritual skin keeps me as me and you as you, protecting us all from the confusion of entanglement. My affiliations with my ex‑husband and my family of origin were entanglements formed before I developed boundaries — and as a consequence, they died natural deaths in response to that spiritual development.

My boundaries are dictated by my needs, limits, responsibilities, and desires. Desire I may elect to flex; I will forfeit my preference for the sake of compromise with others who are also inclined. My needs, limits, and responsibilities will be attended to. If I don’t see to them, who will. Our boundaries are our operating systems, and when two people’s operating systems are in conflict, that is evidence of incompatibility.

I feel blessed to have found someone whose operating system is compatible with my own, even complimentary.

(more…)

Problem v. Unpleasant Fact

Post author:Magda Gee
Post published:January 12, 2017
Post category:Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

Tonight, my sons and I saw the movie Sing, so wholesome and fun(ish)- the film, and going to the movies for the first time ever with my two boys. For several reasons, we do not frequent the movies. Even with extreme noise reduction earmuffs, it felt impossibly loud to me…and it was like a meat locker in the theatre. If not for my sons and our special event with snacks, I would’ve walked out and waited for the dvd. The seats were plush recliners and there were only 6 others in the theatre. Dreamy, right? Two of those six attendees were very active and distracting for someone like myself. I became so keenly focused on the difference between a problem and an unpleasant fact. I was cold–there was no solution, considering leaving was not an option–Unpleasant fact, must accept. It was too loud for me, unpleasant fact. The two active kids whose presence competed with the volume and chill of the theatre–difficult facts–Acceptance acceptance acceptance. Before program, I regarded anyone or anything vexing as a problem to be dealt with.

(more…)