On Forgiving
Daily, I feel tormented by the notion that if I were JUST less sensitive and more forgiving we could be a happy healthy family. But this, THIS is the lie-the myth of the scapegoat and the messaging of abusers. Intense sensitivity is something, that as an adult, I have learned to understand, accept, and to accommodate without shame. My mental wellness requires that I offer space to anyfuckenbody who judges sensitivity and uses it as an excuse to be unkind–shaming. I do regret that I had nobody to teach me this sooner. Self acceptance, preservation, kindness to myself and to others—these things, they were first introduced to me as a 40 something woman, in recovery. And I forgive myself for not knowing what I didn’t know, before I knew it and I forgive myself for not accepting poor treatment as the price of membership for a club to which I clearly do not belong. And I forgive myself for not being able to forgive before I am able. (more…)
When something feels unpleasant, unfair, or upsetting, what is wrong with: “Hey, I don’t like that or that makes me uncomfortable”? Is it too vulnerable, maybe presenting the other person a chance to honestly show you what matters more, your comfort or them getting to do the thing they are doing? Or is it some statement of imperfection or defectiveness to have a need or to feel uncomfortable? And so what if it is? I may never get this.