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The axe forgets, but the tree remembers.

When Family Betrayal Pulls Your Children Into the Middle

At a very tense Mother’s Day gathering in 2016, I learned that my niece’s graduation was less than four weeks away and on the same night as a concert I had already committed to. The tickets had been a Valentine’s Day gift and the plans had been in place for months. It wasn’t that I chose a concert over her graduation. I simply already had plans by the time I was given the date.

With no other way to get my boys to the graduation, and valuing the opportunity for family that being there would give them, I sent them with their dad. Even then, I sensed it could be a fatal choice.

Later, my mother told me that while they were at the graduation, plans began for a birthday gathering for my son that would intentionally exclude me.

Whatever was happening between the adults, I had directly and repeatedly asked that it stay there, and that we do the work of repair.

Something in the fabric of my universe was torn beyond repair.

Whatever else may be true, this also happened.

I’ve been accused of being negative- always imagining the worst. Maybe I was never imagining the worst. Maybe I’m recognizing and recalling what I have lived.

Meme listing intense pattern recognition, active questioning, silent observation, behavioral analysis, emotional math, and post-conversation autopsy.
Maybe I’m not imagining the worst. Maybe I’m recognizing what I already know.

Have you ever been called negative for noticing a pattern that later proved real?

Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am newly learning faith, hope, and courage, practices not witnessed by me, in my childhood, with my family. Sadly, No Contact, as a last resort, is how I keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.